Someone I once loved, gave me a box full of darkness. It took me years to understand that too was a gift.” Mary Oliver. Adversity is relentless, unapologetic, and often arrives without warning. In the grand narrative of life, it will always be the enemy, challenging our resolve, testing our limits, and pushing us to the brink of despair. But within our darkest moments, there’s lies a hidden strength, a quiet, unyielding force that whispers of resilience.
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“When a woman says, ‘I have nothing to wear’ what she actually means is, there is nothing here for who I am supposed to be today.” Caitlin Moran. As I’m sitting here with my writer’s hat on (one of many that I wear throughout the day), I’m plagued by thoughts of the numerous roles the modern-day woman plays. All the while trying to be the best versions of ourselves. Me… Daughter, sister, aunt, friend, coach, writer, cook, provider and finally me.
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“It’s ok to have bad days, to put yourself first, to feel less than perfect, to want to feel more like you again.” Unknown
We all have those days when we think, could this day get any worse? And I’m not talking about the kind of bad day where you’re rushing out the door, trip and spill your coffee all over your pristine, white dress. F**k me it’s not even 9 a.m. Could this day get any worse?
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“I am lost to a thought buried in my bones. I am cursed with the idea that I am not enough.” Blake Auden.
When I first read this quote, it struck a chord, deep down in the place I like to bury all my demons and I can’t seem to shake it. Something he said keeps plaguing me. “Of all the curses I’m destined to carry, the simple idea that I’m not enough continues to be the heaviest’.
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Show me a woman that hasn’t been cheated on, abused in some manner or taken advantage of and I’ll show you a liar.
As women we carry around a lot of baggage that some of us fail to shed when we move from one relationship to another, because we simply don’t deal with what went wrong. Much easier to bury our heads in the sand.
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Yet another night passes, while i just lay there, willing sleep to come. I’m so tired yet my mind is performing its usual acrobatics. I just want to scream at those tiny voices in my head ‘for the love of god, enough already, will you just be quiet’ but as usual they continue on their own merry little journey, without giving me a second’s thought.
I pride myself on being an accomplished woman. There are so many things I do particularly well in my life, overthinking however is one of my specialities.
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In the words of an inspirational author, Ana Claudia Antunes.
“Teach your inner demons to roam your mind without damaging your thoughts”
It’s ok to feel sad. There I said it.
This does not make you weak, a manic depressive or someone who is unable to deal with life. No. It just makes you human. The sooner we accept this the better it will be for all of us.
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