todaysheis.me

Nice guys finish last. So do good girls.

I was never a good girl. Not in the conventional sense anyway. My fate was sealed at birth and then reaffirmed around four years old.

The funny thing is, I wasn’t particularly naughty, well not by my standards. I was curious. I saw somewhere I wanted to go and couldn’t understand why I shouldn’t go there. The fact I was four was just a little administrative detail.

And perhaps that’s where all this starts… Before girls learn what they should want.

11 Min Reading

Can i kiss you? & other ways to kill the mood.

Consent should never be assumed. Chemistry should never need subtitles. But somewhere between men shouldn’t assume and men need to ask, I think we’ve made the conversation around desire far more binary than desire needs to be. So when I was asked by a man “When do I get to kiss you?” it sent me spiraling. He thought he was seeking explicit consent, but he skipped straight past whether I want to be kissed and asked when he could collect. How ridiculously presumptuous.

10 Min Reading

You changed the energy.
She changed the access.

A woman rarely goes quiet without giving you plenty of chances to hear her. The silence comes when she realises you heard her perfectly well, you just chose not to listen. Ladies you need to stop listening to all the social media nonsense about women matching a man’s energy. It makes us sound ridiculously calculated. He goes cold, so I’ll go colder. He takes four hours to reply, I’ll take six. He pulls back, I’ll pull back further. Give over, we’re not thirteen anymore.

12 Min Reading

The strange ache of almost-strangers.

A photo memory came up the other day, one of those little digital ambushes your phone sends without warning, as if it has not already watched you google skincare, grief symptoms and whether silence is technically an answer. There we were. Smiling. Close. Familiar in that way people are when they still belong in the daily fabric of your life. And for a second, I was back there. Back when their name on my phone was normal, when a message did not need a reason.

11 Min Reading

When the conversation flows but nothing else does.

It’s Friday night and I’m having one of my usual spa dates with Steph. This is our little ritual. Steam, bubbles, a bottle of champagne and a full-on emotional excavation. It always turns into the kind of evening where you go in thinking you’re just going to relax and somehow end up discussing your entire life while lying on a heated bed in your bikini, looking like a woman who has made peace with everything except the price of dating and the state of men.

14 Min Reading

When did resilience become code for mild inconvenience?

Resilience. A word we use so loosely it’s in danger of becoming one of those overhandled modern words that gets dragged out for every inconvenience until it means nothing. A delayed train, a difficult week, five minutes without a screen, and suddenly everyone is being praised for their resilience, as though enduring mild irritation is the same thing as being forged by life. It isn’t. That thought had been swimming around in my head for some time. Then I met Sam Jalloh

8 Min Reading

You can’t treat time like it owes you more.

Every year, my sister asks what I want to do for my birthday. She never lets it go unmarked. Never lets the day pass quietly. She’s great like that, and I know it’s her way of keeping something normal alive when so much of our world has already changed shape. And because it has only been a year and a half since we lost my mum, my sister is still grieving too, I never have the heart to tell her the truth…I don’t want to celebrate my birthday anymore.

8 Min Reading

Equality is not a menu. You don’t get to pick what you want.

Last year I found myself in a situation far too many women will recognise – chased for months by a man determined to take me out to dinner. I should have trusted my first instinct. He turned up late. He arrived like he had gotten ready in the ad break. And then the bill arrived. And you would have thought the waiter had slapped him with it. He’d happily ordered food and two bottles of wine, only to look absolutely mortified when the time came to pay.

9 Min Reading

Becoming Her.
Becoming Me.

Not every story gets a fairytale ending, some get new beginnings. Becoming Her. Becoming Me isn’t just a memoir. It’s a mirror of self-reflection. This isn’t just my story. It’s yours too. For every woman who contorted herself just to be chosen. Who wore strength like armour and smiled for the world, then turned around and cried behind closed doors. Who ticked all the boxes but still felt unfinished. Who played the part so well, she forgot it was a performance.

7 Min Reading

Why your success is sexy, until it isn’t…for him.

It starts, as these things often do, with an avalanche of adoration. The flowers, the texts, the grand declarations of how you’re unlike anyone they’ve ever met. In the space of a fortnight, he’s planned your entire future, gushed about your brilliance, and made you feel like Cleopatra, Michelle Obama and Sophia Loren all rolled into one. For a brief moment, it’s intoxicating. And then, like a badly written romcom, it all begins to unravel. Welcome to the world of love bombing.

6 Min Reading

Date when you’re ready, not when you’re single!

Let’s dispel the myth,single equals available. I’m not someone who’s unfamiliar with the dating pool, I’ve been for a swim in these murky waters many, many times. But as time goes on there’s one thing I’ve noticed; more often than not, there are so many people swimming without the right gear. I mean if you were going cold water swimming, you wouldn’t go in your bikini and no cap, would you? In the same vein just because you’re single it doesn’t mean you’re ready to date.

9 Min Reading

The double-edged sword of grief. Living without them.

They say losing a parent changes you forever. They also say time heals all wounds. What they fail to mention is that grief isn’t linear, it’s an unpredictable mess of emotions. Like a tornado, utterly devastating. One moment, you’re standing in the calm before the storm, convinced you can weather it. The next, you’re being lifted off your feet, and dropped into a reality where everything you once knew is shattered & drenched in sorrow.

12 Min Reading

Breakups are about more than just shedding tears.

Isn’t it funny how we often think that breakups are just about heartbreak, like all you have to do is cry your eyes out, binge-watch romcoms and drink yourself to stupor until you feel vaguely human again. But the truth is, breakups are rarely that neat. They’re emotional earthquakes that shake our lives to their very core. When a relationship ends, you lose a lot more than the person you were with. You shed tears, you also shed pieces of yourself.

7 Min Reading

Does avoidance undermine your ability to heal?

“You’re not yourself when you’re triggered. You become who you think you need to be to survive.” You can tell a lot about someone by the way they pack for a holiday. Some people neatly sort everything into labelled pouches. Others stuff things in haphazardly, overpacking. But then there are the secret hoarders, that carry things they don’t even realise they’ve packed & i don’t mean bikinis, i’m talking about emotional baggage.

12 Min Reading

Can you really save a heart ruined by hope?

“You can’t start the next chapter of your life, if you keep re-reading the last one. It’s time to turn the page”. Hope, That little four-letter word with grand aspirations. The thing that keeps us going when all seems lost. The invisible force that tugs us forward when everything else seems to fall apart. It’s that quiet whisper that says, “maybe, just maybe, it’ll all work out”. But here’s the thing, hope isn’t always the sweet promise it appears to be.

9 Min Reading

The silence can’t be heard but it feels deafeningly loud.

“Sometimes, the space we create by taking a break is filled not with clarity, but with the deafening silence of unresolved feelings.” Unknown. It’s not been that long since we last spoke, since we agreed that we’d take some time out to contemplate whether our relationship, that started off with so much promise, had a future. Where we uttered those four small, yet poignant words “Let’s take a break”.

11 Min Reading

Hold out for that old fashioned kind of love.

There was a time when love was a handwritten letter sealed with a kiss, when the scent of perfume lingered on a piece of parchment, and the anticipation of your lover’s next move was as intoxicating as the scent of jasmine on a summer’s night. Today, we swipe and we scroll our way through potential partners, hoping that behind each pixelated profile lies a heart as true as the words penned by Mr. Darcy to Elizabeth Bennet.

10 Min Reading

Breaking habits: Can we ever let go of what we love?

It takes between 18 and 254 days to break a habit, crazy right? But what can we do, we’re creatures of habit, repeating our actions, thoughts, and even emotions until they form a rhythm, a beat we dance to every day without a second thought. But what happens when that rhythm starts to suffocate us? Can we ever break free from the habits that define us or are we doomed to repeat them, over and over in some twisted version of groundhog day?

10 Min Reading

Handle with care. I too am capable of being fragile.

If I had a penny for every time I heard the words “you’re one of the strongest women I know” I’d not only be strong, I’d also be rich, very rich. And who can blame them? They’re not wrong, I am one of the strongest women they know. Not because I chose to be, but because I had to be. My whole life I’ve been the ‘older sister’ ‘the eldest child’ ‘the planner’ & ‘the one that will sort it out’. Did I ask for any of this? No, but is it who I am? Yes.

8 Min Reading

When the tide changes & reality sets in.

You know the drill. Boy meets girl, the sparks fly, the fun, banter and chemistry is free flowing, the air is filled with excitement, and the possibilities seem endless He plans dates, he never tires of telling you how lucky he is to have met you and how amazing you are. He struggles to keep his hands off you and always notices the small things like when you change your nail colour or cut your hair, then all of a sudden out of nowhere, it stops.

8 Min Reading

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todaysheis.me

Becoming Her.
Becoming Me.

A warm welcome to todaysheis.me

About Author

Nice guys finish last. So do good girls.

You changed the energy.
She changed the access.

The strange ache of almost-strangers.

When the conversation flows but nothing else does.

When did resilience become code for mild inconvenience?

You can’t treat time like it owes you more.

Equality is not a menu. You don’t get to pick what you want.

Becoming Her.
Becoming Me.

Why your success is sexy, until it isn’t…for him.

Date when you’re ready, not when you’re single!

The double-edged sword of grief. Living without them.

Breakups are about more than just shedding tears.

Does avoidance undermine your ability to heal?

Can you really save a heart ruined by hope?

The silence can’t be heard but it feels deafeningly loud.

Hold out for that old fashioned kind of love.

Breaking habits: Can we ever let go of what we love?

Handle with care. I too am capable of being fragile.

When the tide changes & reality sets in.

Get in Touch

Recent Posts

Nice guys finish last. So do good girls.

Can i kiss you? & other ways to kill the mood.

You changed the energy.
She changed the access.

The strange ache of almost-strangers.

When the conversation flows but nothing else does.

About Author