Hold out for that old fashioned kind of love.
“You deserve this. You deserve someone who’s heart breaks when they watch you cry. You deserve someone who feels your emotions with you instead of just sympathising. You deserve someone who will trace your facial features and the crevices and valleys of your body with their fingertips, so they can remember every part of you when they miss you. You deserve someone who watches you out of the corner of their eye while you read a book and drink your wine, because they think you’re the most beautiful person they have ever laid their eyes on. You deserve someone who will ask you about your day and genuinely care about the answer. You deserve someone who wants to know every detail about you, like the way you like your coffee in the mornings, your favourite smell or what movies make you cry. You deserve someone who will guard your heart and destroy anything meant to harm you, with loyalty running so deep in their veins that they get physically ill at the mere thought of betrayal. You deserve to be seen. You deserve to be heard. You deserve to be wanted. And most importantly… you deserve to be loved.” Cody Bret
This is probably one of the most beautiful quotes I’ve ever read, and do you know why? Because if we’re honest with ourselves, as women, we all want this kind of love. Most of us are tired of the new age, millennium kind of love and we yearn for the old-fashioned kind of love that our grandparents had, and if we were lucky our parents had. There was a time when love was a handwritten letter sealed with a kiss, when the scent of perfume lingered on a piece of parchment, and the anticipation of your lover’s next move was as intoxicating as the scent of jasmine on a summer’s night. Today, we swipe, we scroll, we tap, and we double-tap our way through potential partners, hoping that behind each pixelated profile picture lies a heart as true as the words penned by Mr. Darcy to Elizabeth Bennet.
Growing up I was lucky enough to be surrounded by this old-fashioned type of love. My great grandparents were a fantastic couple, they’d been together since their early teens, married young, not for love but through the traditional arranged marriage route, yet there they were, more in love than any couple I’ve ever known. I often talk about this, but I have a picture of them, it’s taken when they clearly think no one is looking. They’re sitting in the garden, on a bench, He has clearly regaled her with one of his many exceptionally amusing stories, and her head is thrown back in laughter. But it’s not the kind of forced laughter, where your smile doesn’t reach your eyes, it’s that real, ‘I think you are the funniest man on this planet and I’m the luckiest woman alive to be with you’ kind of laughter, the one that reaches deep down into your sole and is so infectious it touches everyone around you.
Every time I see that picture I’m reminded of the promise I made to myself, that I will hold out for that kind of love and if I’m not lucky enough to find it in this lifetime, so be it, I’ll still have a great time on the beautiful journey called life. You see Cody is right we’re all deserving of this kind of love, some of us may not believe it, but it’s the truth. But the harsh reality is, in this digitally driven, superficial world, where everything is instant and only one swipe away, the opportunity or accessibility to the type of man that also wants this doesn’t always present itself.
THE ALLURE OF THE OLD-FASHIONED
There’s something deliciously slow about old-fashioned courtship, yes I said courtship, not dating. It’s a dance, a back-and-forth, where each step is measured, each word carefully chosen. The stakes are higher because time is invested, and with that time comes a deeper connection. In the days of yesteryear, love wasn’t just about finding someone who ticked all the boxes on your checklist. It was about finding someone who truly saw you, in a way that made you feel like the only woman in the world. The grand gestures, the heartfelt letters, the late-night serenade, were all such beautiful ways to communicate a love that went beyond the surface. They were symbols of commitment, of effort, and of a desire to create something lasting.
But as beautiful as that all sounds, I’m not naïve enough to think old-fashioned love was perfect. Of course, It had its flaws – the societal expectations and the clearly defined gender rules and roles to name a few. Yet, despite its imperfections, there’s a certain romance to it that is definitely lacking in today’s world. In this modern world, love often feels commodified, reduced to algorithms and compatibility percentages. We’ve degraded love to a transaction, a fleeting moment of interest that can be discarded with the flick of a finger. But love, real love, is not something that should be swiped or scrolled through. It’s something that should be savoured, nurtured, and cherished.
THE LOST ART OF WOOING
‘Wooing’ what a fantastic word. Once upon a time, wooing was an essential part of courting someone. Men would go out of their way to win the hearts of the woman they desired, whether it was through poetry, gifts, or simply showing up when it mattered most. The effort was unmistakable, and the intention was clear ‘I am here for you, and I will do whatever it takes to prove it’. But today, wooing is a forgotten art, the chase has become almost non-existent. I mean why bother with grand gestures when a ‘like’ or a quick text conveys interest? Why would someone put in the effort when there are countless other options at your fingertips? The ease of communication has made genuine connection more difficult to attain. But it’s about more than just grand gestures; it’s about the emotions behind them. Old-fashioned love was rooted in a deep sense of admiration and respect. It was about making the other person feel valued, cherished, and, most importantly, loved. In contrast, modern romance feels transactional, with both parties more focused on what they can get out of the relationship rather than what they can give. The flowers and chocolates are great but the thought and effort that goes into making someone feel loved and appreciated holds so much more value.
THE STRUGGLE OF THE MODERN MAN
And herein lies the problem, the modern man has forgotten how to love the old-fashioned way. Where you go on actual dates, hold hands, share secret smiles, watch the sunset, get lost while driving down the back roads, dance in the rain and cherish one another while talking about a real future together. Is it all their fault? maybe not, women and society also have a lot to answer for. Traditional gender roles have become blurred. In the past, men were expected to be the pursuers, the providers, the protectors. But in today’s world, these roles have become more fluid, with women taking on more active roles both financially and in the relationship. This shift has left many men unsure of their place, unsure of how to navigate the complex world of modern romance, while the rise of technology has fundamentally changed the way we communicate. Where we once wrote handwritten letters, we now communicate with emojis😜. The art of meaningful communication has been lost. What a crying shame.
THE DESIRE FOR MORE
Old-fashioned love provided depth, there was a desire to connect with someone on a level that went beyond the superficial, beyond the perfectly curated Instagram profiles and the witty Bumble bios. Women still want to be seen, heard, and understood. We want to know that the person we’re with is truly invested in us, not just as a partner, but as a person. In old-fashioned relationships you had meaningful conversation, shared experiences, and a genuine interest in each other’s lives. It wasn’t about how many followers you had or how perfect your selfies were; it was about the connection you shared, the moments you created together, and the memories that would last a lifetime. In contrast, modern relationships feel shallow, with both parties more focused on maintaining a certain image or keeping up with the latest trends than on building a solid foundation. It’s not that depth doesn’t exist in today’s relationships, but it sure is harder to find, especially when so much of our interactions are via our screens.
RECLAIMING ROMANCE IN THE DIGITAL AGE
Just so we’re clear I’m not for one minute suggesting that we should reject technology or modernity outright, after all, dating apps have opened up a whole new world of possibilities. I’m talking about finding a balance, about integrating the best aspects of old-fashioned love into our modern relationships. It has to start with being intentional. In a world where everything moves so quickly, it’s important to slow down and take the time to truly connect with the person you’re with. This means putting down your phone, looking each other in the eye, and having real conversations. It means being present, both physically and emotionally, and making an effort to understand your partner on a deeper level.
It also means embracing vulnerability. Old-fashioned love required a certain level of emotional risk, of putting yourself out there and being open to the possibility of rejection. In today’s world, where it’s so easy to keep things casual, it’s important to remember that true connection requires vulnerability. It means being honest about your feelings, even when it’s uncomfortable, and being willing to take the risk of getting hurt. And finally, it means bringing back the romance. This doesn’t have to mean grand gestures or elaborate dates (though those can certainly help!). It can be as simple as leaving a handwritten note for your partner, planning a surprise date night, or just taking the time to really listen to them. It’s about showing your partner that you care and that you’re willing to put in the effort to make them feel loved and appreciated.
What does this all mean? It’s simple, I always have, and I always will hold out for an old-fashioned love. I want the romance and the connection it provides. I’m looking for a man that doesn’t run at the first hurdle, instead he stays and fights for the relationship. A man who sees you for who you are, and values you for it. A relationship that transcends generations, cultures, and yes, even technology. So, here’s to old-fashioned love in a modern world, may it continue to inspire us, challenge us, and remind us of what truly matters
Ladies remember find a man whose walk is bigger than his talk, who wants to get into your heart, not just your pants. One that is comfortable enough in his masculine energy to lead and initiate but isn’t afraid of the strength and power you bring. A man that still believes in chivalry, he’ll open your doors, he’ll carry your bags and he’ll call not because he has to, but just because he wants to. He wants you to thrive, your wins are his wins. And most of all be with a man that when he looks at you, you know he’s thinking ‘I know I’m punching, and f**k me, I’m the luckiest man alive to have found you. 💋
