Is chivalry dead? I’m not sure m’lady.
“A gentleman will open doors, pull out chairs, and carry things. Not because she’s helpless or unable, but because he wants to show her that she is valuable and worthy of respect.”
Charles J. Orlando
A while ago a friend sent me what can only be described as one of the funniest comedy performances I’ve ever seen, where Dave Chappelle proceeded to talk about what a catastrophe it was that Chivalry was dead… Cue all the women in the audience cheering loudly, until he said… Women killed it – complete silence.
At this point the strong, fiercely independent woman in me should have been in uproar but instead I laughed out loud, very loud. You see I agree with him. I have no doubt that I will get lynched for saying this. There will be many a feminist that will think my views are oppressive and somewhat archaic, but honestly, I don’t care. I’m not backwards in coming forwards and as a closest romantic, I so want to see more chivalry in this world.
For what it’s worth, I don’t actually believe chivalry is dead. Thanks to a recent date I can see there are still enough gentlemen in the world to keep it alive. However, there aren’t enough ladies that demand it. What once used to be seen as a chivalrous gesture is now seen as a slap in the face that you are somehow weaker than your male counterpart, nothing could be further than the truth.
Can I open my own doors? Of course, I have hands. Can I carry my own bags? Well yes, I lift bro. Can I pull out my own chair? Yes, I do it every time I sit down. Can I walk myself to my car? Yes, my memory is getting a little rusty, but I can just about remember where I parked it. I am more than able and capable to do all these things for myself, but when a man unexpectedly does this for you, you can’t help but smile, because it reminds you that real men still exist
Growing up these acts were a given. My brother always carried our bags when we were out shopping (mainly cause we promised him a free lunch 🤣 ) But he along with my other brothers were raised right. They were always taught to be providers, hunter/gatherers and how to treat a woman. Whilst us girls were taught to maintain our independence but still behave with decorum and respect, something we’ve never forgotten.
HELLO FEMINISM
Somewhere along the way our need to be recognised as strong independent women took over. We wanted to be treated as equals, so much so our men embraced being metrosexual, whilst women took on an Alpha male personality. The dynamics became skewed, men became less chivalrous, not because they’d forgotten how to be this way, but because they were afraid to offend women.
Don’t get it twisted, I’m not saying I don’t want to be treated as an equal, I do. I am a strong, independent woman, and I was raised by one. I don’t need a man in my life, I am more than able to not only survive but prosper without one. However, I haven’t forgotten how to behave like a lady and in return be treated like one.
If I was going to choose to be with someone. I’d choose a man that embraced his masculinity and strength, someone that still gave importance to the role as protector. A gentleman that understood, although his partner is capable of doing it all she still wants to retain some of her femininity. She still wants to be treated with the love and the admiration she deserves. In return she will treat him with the respect and loyalty he deserves.
DATING APPS HAVE A LOT TO ANSWER FOR
I’m not naïve, times change, just look at how we date. Feminism isn’t the only culprit that killed chivalry, those pesky dating apps haven’t helped. This widespread kid in a sweetshop syndrome has given us so many options that we fail to give anyone the attention they truly deserve. Then there’s the hook up culture that requires zero effort from both men and women. It’s a crying shame.
Men feel aggrieved to pay on first dates as there are so many women that are just going for a free meal. Come on ladies that isn’t fair. Whereas women no longer bother to make the effort to turn up as a lady because she’s got so many other options and really can’t be bothered. How is this going to cultivate chivalry?
Having said all this, like everything in life chivalry has evolved and as long as we’re teaching our children the importance, it will continue for many centuries. Our boys need to learn the new art of chivalry whilst our girls need to learn to act like a lady and demand it.
When chivalry first came about it was a something the knights did to protect their damsels in distress, well we’re no longer damsels. Then our well-dressed gentlemen realised it was an easy manual for romance, how to court a woman (yes, I still use the word court, I find it most endearing). But the dating apps soon put a stop to that manual, now there’s a whole new set of chivalry we need to get our heads around.
WELCOME TO THE NEW AGE OF CHIVALRY
– Text her after the date to tell her you had a great time and can’t wait to see her again (only if you do).
– Make sure she got home safely, a quick text to check in never killed anyone.
– Call her when you say you’re going to. I’ll call you tonight doesn’t mean in 3 days times.
– Don’t cancel a date at the last minute because you think you’ve got a better offer, it won’t do you any favours.
– Call her late at night for a chat, not a booty call.
– Send a quick text during through the day so she knows you’re on her mind.
– Turn off or at least put your phone away while you are with her, how else can you focus on the date?
– Remember the little things like her favourite chocolate (I like my Cadbury Buttons straight from the fridge BTW).
– Demonstrate consideration. If you know she’s had a hard week, run her a bath while you get dinner started.
Does the above make my heart flutter? No. I still want some of the old-fashioned version of chivalry and thankfully there are old school gents out there who will still wait with you until your cab or bus comes to ensure you get home. This makes my heart and in turn me smile.
And the next time you buy her flowers on Valentine’s Day, because you think that’s what you are supposed to do. Think about this, why not buy her flowers on a Tuesday just because you thought of her on your way home. It will mean so much more.
