What happened to dating the old-fashioned way?
“Dating is about finding out who you are and who others are. If you show up in a masquerade outfit, neither is going to happen”
Henry Cloud.
I recently came across a great read ‘The State of Affairs’ by Esther Perel and let me tell you it was an eye opener.
Let’s be honest, falling in love in today’s world is tough. Gone are the days when you locked eyes with that devilishly handsome stranger across the bar; or on your daily commute; or shock, horror, gasp while you were walking down the street. If someone stopped you in the street now, you’d think you were either about to get mugged, or you’d need to get a restraining order against them.
Dating apps, which were supposed to make our lives easier have only made it worse. Yes, on the one hand they opened up the possibility of meeting people that you’d ordinarily never cross paths with but at the same time ‘kid in a sweetshop’ syndrome kicked in and your suitor always had one eye on the proverbial door.
And if that wasn’t bad enough we must now deal with a whole new set of problems with the rise of things like ghosting, icing, simmering, breadcrumbing, cookie jarring and slow dating. It’s OK, I don’t blame you if you’re confused and think I’m talking about cooking in a haunted castle, sadly not, I’m referring to the dating trends that are truly killing romance.
Here’s 10 I think we all need to watch out for:
Hardballing. AKA dating like a boss.
If the pandemic has taught us one thing, it’s time is precious. We shouldn’t waste it spending time with people we don’t like or doing things we don’t love (or is it the other way round?). Although we’re now more confident than ever to tell someone what we do and don’t want, we’re also not prepared to give them the time to show us who they really are.
Astrolove. AKA dating according to your star signs.
We all dabble in a little astrology here and there, especially when we like what our horoscopes tell us. But let’s be honest, we can’t live our lives by it. Two star-signs that shouldn’t be compatible can work, especially if they speak the same love language and communicate openly. Having said that, if there are any Scorpio’s out there, please stay away, your sting isn’t compatible with my positivity. As for you Cancerians, I’m sorry but my directness will always upset you and I don’t know how to be any other way.
Ghosting. Aka disappearing into the dead of the night
Leaving the other person totally confused as to what happened. One minute you’re talking morning, noon and night, you may have even taken things to the next stage, the next minute they’re nowhere to be seen. They stop replying to your texts, in fact they’ve probably already blocked your number and they’ve limited access to their social media. Like a ghost they leave you feeling their presence, but you see nothing but their shadow.
Cookie Jarring. Aka hedging your bets.
They give you the impression that you are the only person they are talking to, but just like a kid in the sweetshop, they’re also talking to others just in case they like the taste of someone else a little more. The cookie monster is very greedy.
Breadcrumbing. Aka playing it cool.
You like the other person, but you don’t want to tell them. So instead, you compliment them just enough to keep them interested. If I had to quote a well-known phrase, you’re trying that boring ‘treat them mean, keep them keen’ routine, yawn! Here’s the thing about that, if you show a girl, you don’t care she’ll chase you, but if you show a woman, you don’t care she’ll just replace you.
Icing. Aka half in, half out.
Not to be confused with that gorgeously shiny coating you find on a donut or on top of your favourite cupcake, there is nothing sweet about being Iced. An Icer will leave you with a constant feeling of anxiety, will they call, or won’t they? They’ll cancel dates at the last minute. You’ll always be confused as to where you stand with them. Someone should tell the Icer the only thing that should be poured over ice is a Baileys.
Slow Dating. Aka taking your sweet ass time.
Now I’ve never been a fan of slow cooking, the idea of sticking everything in a slow cooker, while you go about your business and when you come back your meal is ready, sounds great right? Not to me. What if I don’t like how it tastes? What if I want to adjust something? It’s just too late. Slow dating affords you the time to get to know someone. but when you wait too long to see if that someone, is your someone, the possibility of disappointment is high. By the time you meet, you’ll have always created a perfect version of them, which with all the will in the world they’ll never be able to live up to.
Stashing. Aka what a cheating scumbag.
You’ve been getting to know each other for a while, things are going great, they’ve met your friends and the people that matter in your life, heck you’re even posting pictures of the two of you on Instagram. But you’ve realised something… You haven’t met any of their friends and they never mention you when they’re talking on the phone. Why didn’t you see this before? They’re seeing someone else, and you my friend are being stashed… away from the rest of the world.
Simmering. Aka too chicken s**t to tell you the truth.
Now this one is my personal favourite. I like my relationships to be based on honesty. The conversations may not always be easy but at least you both know where you stand. The simmerer however doesn’t understand this concept. They are content coasting, allowing you to believe whatever you want about where things are headed. Secretly hoping you’ll see what’s really going on and have the strength to finish with them. That way they don’t have to be the bad guy. Do yourself a favour, dump their sorry ass.
Virtual Dating. Aka not living in the real world.
This I have to say is the one that scares me the most. Zoom calls are great for work, Facetime brilliant to keep in touch with those you don’t get to see that often. But when it comes to dating it’s a big fat no. Ask yourself why the other person needs to hide behind a screen? What are they scared of? What’s are they hiding? If they tell you they’re just not ready to go out into the real world, that’s a load of bulls**t, there are many safe ways to meet, they just don’t have the inclination.
Having said all of this, none of this should deter you from dating if nothing else you’ll get a great brunch story out of it. As they say forewarned is forearmed and I hope if you’re unlucky enough to be subjected to any of the above you’ll recognise it for what it is.
If you’ve been on the receiving end of this, I’d love to hear your story, please leave me a comment.
So Miss SK this article / story has been orchestrated by yourself about yourself…… so just having a brief ‘ skirt ‘ on the headings and especially about what happened to dating the old fashioned way etc etc……It is still out there but YOU need to ask yourself the question do I give this guy a chance or just keep it as a ‘secret ‘ and if my friends find out about him etc….. do i blow him out ! as per past experiences !! So maybe this was the kinda guy u needed in your life who can be there for you wants to get to know you… but sounds like you are scared to let him come close be there for you….. You claim your a strong woman wel maybe so but your guarded hence why the sheild, get rid of the cockyness being loud etc.
Yet not married, no kids etc coming close to 50 is that want you want sitting with the cat…. ! Maybe the guy hasnt yet ‘ required ‘ you to be a wife….. but just wants you as a ‘ sports fish ‘ or maybe you dont let them get close !
Some years ago i was in a similar situation and wanted to write a book about woman and relationships…but lif took over and really had no time for it….but now i feel inspired to do so…. it was about women, attitude, issues regarding men formally would have been named : Breath Bi**h ( lol ). If he introduces you as his ‘ friend ‘ or by your name, have no doubt thats all you are, he doesnt think of u anymre than that !
Must dash now but if u need some male quotes or inspiration email me.
Regards