A lot can change in one fleeting moment.
“Sometimes the bad things that happen in our lives put us directly onto the path to the best things that will ever happen to us.”
Nicole Reed
You never quite forget the moment you think it’s all over. The moment you wish you hadn’t fallen out with those you love or said the things you had to someone you care about – anger makes you say some foolish things. And at that very moment you hope beyond hope that those you are about to leave behind will forget the harsh words you whispered; they’ll be looked after and will remember you with love not anger.
In time the bruises will fade, to the outside world you’ll look just like your old self, but you know you will never be that person again. Because you will always remember how grateful you are to still be breathing. It takes a lot to forget a dream like that, but thankfully like any bad dream you will wake up, only to realise it’s not a dream. It really did happen, and life gave you another chance to be better, kinder – both to yourself and those around you.
I won’t forget that fateful day in a hurry, the way my car cascaded out of control, round and round, round and round until all of a sudden, I found myself upside down. Awoken by the sound of concerned voices asking if I was ok. Was I ok? Did that really happen? And as I slowly opened my eyes, I realised that I am indeed upside down and there are a lot of things topsy turvy in my world right now, but I’m alive and I’m still here.
My day started off like any other, I was happily driving along the motorway; my favourite tunes blasting out in the car; happy in the knowledge that in a few hours I’d be on a plane and in another country; discussing my fate for the next few years. Little did I know that fate had something else planned for me.
Only another 10 minutes I thought and I’d be at the airport; going through security; tucking into a nice breakfast before I got on the plane. I can’t tell you why the car in front of me thought it was clever to stop in the third lane, but I can tell you that every bone in my body told me to switch lanes to avoid hitting it.
So, I did what any normal person would do, I swerved to miss it, not easy when you’re doing 70mph in the third lane. My car clips the side of the stationary car and all of a sudden, I feel like i’m on a very fast merry go round. What happened after that is a blur. Did another car clip mine sending me into a further tail spin? I can’t say, all I know is the car wouldn’t stop. It just kept going and going until it could go no more, over the side reservation, onto its side.
I don’t know how long my eyes were closed maybe 45 seconds, maybe longer. But when my eyes opened, it was to the sound of voices in my car, asking me whether I need the emergency services. It took for a few seconds to work out my car had automatically dialled the emergency services – the only words I could find were “yes”. “OK love emergency services are on the way”.
At that moment all I wanted to do was close my eyes and sleep for a while. But I hear voices outside my car asking me if I’m ok and whether I could hear them, can I get up and get out the car? At that point I don’t know if I can, but I summon every ounce of strength to get up and get myself out of that car. The door won’t open so I climb out of the window; I look down and I know I can’t make the jump; but I need not worry as one of my lovely Angels let me step into the palm of his hand to help me down.
There’s a pain running down my right-hand side, there’s no escaping it, but pain isn’t the overwhelming feeling I have right now. No, what I’m feeling is so far removed from pain, it’s gratitude. Gratitude like I’ve never felt before. And at that moment I know I have so much to be grateful for.
As I’m sitting there thankful to still be alive, I silently thank my guardian angels, my Dadi, Baba & Badimama. I’ve always felt your presence and now I know without a shadow of doubt you’ll always be watching over me and I know if it wasn’t for you, I may not be here today. Should I have made it out that car alive? Probably not, but here I am relatively unscathed. I know you know that I have much to do in life and that this may just be the wakeup call I needed.
“Soulful Whispers from above… Her angels look down and send their love…Watching over you along your way… Protecting you night and day”
Karen Kostyla
I’m grateful to those higher beings for sending me the beautiful beings that helped me out of my car and sat with me until the paramedics arrived. To them I was nothing more than a stranger who may have hurt herself. Did they have to stop and help? No. Did they have to stay? No, yet they did.
I’m grateful to the emergency services for staying with me and keeping my spirits up (they really do deserve the pay rise they’ve been screaming about for so long). And to the lovely Policeman who called to check up on me the next day, thank you, you’ve all restored my faith in humanity. 🙂
Finally, I’m grateful to my friends and my family for rallying around me. They turned up on my doorstep no questions asked, with love, concern, food and kind words. I truly am lucky to have you all in my life.
I could sit here crying over a lost car, but material things can be replaced. What can’t be replaced are people and the relationships you build. In the days that followed from the accident I made myself some promises. Promises i intend to keep.
Stay positive:
I will always try and focus on the good in my life, not letting the bad days outweigh the good. So, when things are tough, I’ll remind myself that bad days don’t mean life is bad and how incredibly lucky I am to have this life.
Don’t delay:
I will focus more on the things that matter in life and do the things I say I want to do instead of putting them off until tomorrow. Who knows, tomorrow may never come.
Embrace change:
I will focus more on my goals and what I want in life. Change is the one constant in life. And change will either find you, or you will have to create it. I am the creator of my life and changes I want to see.
Accept help:
I will ask for help if I need it, something I know I’m not very good at. I will remind myself that needing help does not make me weak, so from here on I will stop suffering in silence.
Be grateful:
I will remind myself of all the love I have in my life and show my gratitude. Sometimes we forget there is someone out there that is likely looking at your life hoping they had the things you do. Learn to be grateful for every good thing.
Live and let live:
I will live my life the way I want to and leave others to live theirs. Who am i to judge what they are doing and who are they to judge me?
Cut out the dead wood:
This is undoubtably one of the biggest changes I will make. I will no longer waste my time or energy on people that are not deserving of it. We all deserve to be filled the same way we pour.
Be careful with your words:
A tongue has no bones but it’s strong enough to hurt someone. When you think your time is up, I promise you, the one thought that will go through your mind is the hurt you may have caused someone you love. So every time I feel a response coming from anger I will remind myself that sometimes silence is the best way to let someone know they’ve done wrong by you.
There will be times that you will lapse into your former self, but the memory will always be a stark reminder that life is too short and precious. As humans we all think we’re invincible; that these things only happen to others, while we watch from the sidelines. But life can change in the blink of an eye. So, stop watching life go by. Instead grab the bull by the horns and ride that bad boy like there’s no tomorrow.
Tonight, while I say a silent prayer, there are things I will undoubtably be grateful for. To see the beautiful smiles and hear the infectious laughter of my nephew’s; see my niece go on her first date (yes I’m still coming with you); to sit with my siblings talking absolute shite and that my parents didn’t have to go through the pain of losing a child.
I’ve always known this but now I know without a shadow of doubt, this lioness is highly durable and made of tough stuff. You can’t get rid of her that easily, but maybe I should actually sort that will out I keep saying I need to make.
this is amazing gilly! really eye opening 💙💙💙