When the tide changes & reality sets in.
“The honeymoon phase doesn’t exist when you fall for someone who is dedicated to making you feel loved and admired the entire time you are theirs. that is the definition. of unconditional love. Stop normalising the loss of affection in relationships, that is a choice, not a phase.” Unknown.
You know the drill. Boy meets girl, the sparks fly, the fun, banter and chemistry is off the charts, the air is filled with excitement, and the possibilities seem endless He plans dates, he never tires of telling you how lucky he is to have met you and how amazing you are. He struggles to keep his hands off you and always notices the small things like when you change your nail colour or cut your hair, then all of a sudden out of nowhere, it stops. You haven’t had an argument, neither of you has changed, your feelings haven’t changed (or at least you don’t think they have), yet your relationship is different. You start to question what’s going on, has he fallen out of lust with you? is there someone else? Or have you just come to the end of your honeymoon phase? And is this where it ends, or have you got enough gas left in the tank to continue the journey?
Relationships, much like the seasons go through distinct stages. Each stage brings its own challenges and joys, requiring us to adapt, evolve, and find new ways to nurture the connection and keep the spark alive. What happens for example when the shine of the honeymoon phase fades, and you are left navigating the complexities of a long-term relationship? What once felt vibrant, now becomes unpredictable and at times utterly exhausting How do you keep the love and hope alive through all these twists and turns?
NAVIGATING RELATIONSHIPS PAST THE HONEYMOON PHASE
We all know the honeymoon phase, those magical first few months where everything your partner does is enchanting, their quirks are charming, their flaws invisible and the chemistry electric. Disagreements seem as distant as the North and South London divide. You’ve a natural appetite to explore each other, interests, hobbies, values, quirks and bodies. But then reality sets in, and you start noticing the not-so-charming quirks. You start to question whether they were always there, and you just glazed over them or is this person a really good actor? And how do you maintain the magic, the connection, the desire after this time?
IS THE END OF THE HONEYMOON A NECESSARY EVIL?
We often view the end of the honeymoon phase as a negative milestone, but the truth is all relationships change over time. Change is a necessary step towards something deeper and more meaningful. When the initial rush of infatuation subsides and you take off your rose-tinted glasses, you’re given the chance to truly get to know the person sitting in front of you. It’s in these moments of vulnerability and honesty that real love can blossom. However, this transition can be tricky and the delicate dance between maintaining the passion and adapting to the inevitable changes that come with time can be an emotional rollercoaster.
EMBRACING CHANGE
One of the biggest challenges will be dealing with change. People evolve, circumstances shift, and what worked in the beginning might not work now or down the line. You have a choice, you either embrace change or you run in fear. It’s human nature to pine for what once was but instead of longing for the days when everything was perfect, focus on creating new magical moments. Maybe take up a new activity together, or take it in turns to explore each other’s interests, or even embark on a shared project. The goal is to keep the relationship dynamic and exciting instead of feeling like you are stuck in a rut.
COMMUNICATION – THE BEDROCK OF ANY RELATIONSHIP
Talk, talk and talk some more, every bloody day. Good communication is the cornerstone of any healthy relationship. During the honeymoon phase, communication often feels effortless, but as time goes on, misunderstandings and miscommunications can creep in. It’s essential to cultivate open and honest dialogue with your partner. Just because you’re used to dealing with everything yourself, doesn’t mean you should or have to. If you want your relationship to flourish you need to not only share your thoughts and feelings, but your partner shouldn’t feel like you are pushing them away. Create a safe space where the both of you can express yourselves without fear of judgment. Remember relationships start fading when communication starts fading.
IT’S THE SMALL GESTURES THAT COUNT
When the honeymoon phase ends, grand romantic gestures might become less frequent, but that doesn’t mean romance should fade. Personally I’ve always been more of a fan of the small gestures, they’re incredibly powerful. A thoughtful note, a surprise diet coke, or a spontaneous date night can reignite the spark. It’s about showing appreciation and making your partner feel valued. These small acts of love can build a bank of goodwill that you can call on if you hit tough times.
UNDERSTANDING HOW TO RESOLVE CONFLICT
Conflicts are inevitable in any relationship. Every relationship hits a bump in the road, and it can feel like a sudden thunderstorm in the middle of a beautiful hot day (sounds a lot like the weather in the UK). Arguments and disagreements may become more frequent as you navigate each other’s boundaries and expectations. It’s easy to feel disillusioned, but how you handle the conflict can make or break your relationship. It’s important to approach conflicts with a mindset of resolution rather than winning. This means being willing to compromise, understanding your partner’s perspective, and not letting small issues escalate into major fights. Remember, it’s not you versus your partner; it’s both of you versus the problem. As they say a problem shared is a problem halved.
KEEPING THE INTIMACY ALIVE
All right you filthy devils, get your mind out the gutter. Intimacy goes beyond physical connection; it’s also about emotional closeness. Make time for one another, whether it’s through regular date nights, weekend getaways, or simply spending quality time together at home. Be affectionate, share your thoughts and dreams, and maintain that emotional bond. Don’t get me wrong, physical intimacy is also super important too, so don’t let it fall by the wayside. Keep exploring each other and keep the flame burning. So gents, the next time you see her just grab her and kiss her like it’s the last time you’ll ever kiss her.
BUILDING A FUTURE TOGETHER
One of the most exciting aspects of moving past the honeymoon phase is building a future together. This means setting goals as a couple, whether it’s traveling the world, buying a home, or starting a family. Having shared goals gives you something to work towards together and can strengthen your bond. It also provides a sense of direction and purpose, not to mention lets you know pretty quickly whether you have the same dreams and aspirations.
MAINTAINING A SENSE OF HUMOUR
Laughter truly is the best medicine. Being able to laugh together, even during difficult times, strengthens your bond. It helps to lighten the mood and puts things into perspective. Don’t take everything too seriously. Life is full of ups and downs, and sometimes, the best way to navigate it is with a sense of humour. The biggest mistake a man can make is to let another man make his woman smile… it all starts with a smile and it’s a slippery slope if another man is doing what you should be.
I’ll leave you with this final thought. Like any addiction, the high of the honeymoon phase can be hard to let go of. We become hooked on the intense emotions and constant excitement, and when those feelings start to wane, we find ourselves chasing that high. But like any journey, we’re not on a straight road, there are many bends. Relationships require effort, patience, and a willingness to adapt. But through the highs and lows, the excitement and the stability there’s a beauty in sharing your life with someone you truly care about. Keeping the love and hope alive isn’t always easy, but it’s worth every moment. Cherish the journey, celebrate the milestones, and find joy in the everyday.
Whether you’re in the honeymoon phase or are navigating some of the highs and lows, remember to hold on to the love and hope, it’ll be your guiding light. That only leaves one burning question for you to answer. Do you want to keep exploring this beautiful journey we call life with your companion or is it time to change tack? As John Mayer famously said “Don’t be afraid to walk alone. Don’t be afraid to like it” Never make a choice out of desperation, do what feels right. For some the honeymoon is all they get, for others they get a happily ever after. 💋
