Dear Mr Right, whoever & wherever you are, I know you’ll come when it’s right.
“Dear Mr Right, people say you don’t exist. Yes, I agree no one is perfect but people can be right with all their imperfections and flaws, can’t they? So, you must know that I do believe in you. I do believe somewhere out there you do exist”.
Ankita Singhal.
Some may say I am a commitment-phobe. Me, I like to think of myself as more of a ‘won’t settle for anything less than she wants’ kinda girl and until I find Mr Right I’ll just carry on with life, trying the relationships on for size. After all, even God loves a trier.
If I calculated the number of hours I’ve wasted getting ready for the date that never materialised into anything I’d have enough hours to fly around the world, many times over. Still I carry on, in the hope that one day Mr Right Now will in fact turn out to be Mr Right. But while I carry on with life, patiently waiting for him to make his grand entrance (if you’re out there listening, or even reading this, I think it’s time you showed up, you’ve made me wait long enough) I’ll enjoy the journey and the numerous stories my dating life has given my sisters and friends. We’ll be dining out on these for years to come.
There have been many different men, all with their own nuances, easily identifiable by their traits. So, ladies if you ever come across one of these men, I hope you sit there secretly smiling, knowing which type of man you’re on a date with.
Mr Looks Nothing Like His Pictures
Don’t worry gentlemen, I know you men aren’t the only ones that use pictures taken over a decade ago. My male friends have their own horror stories to tell (that’s a different blog post) but here’s the thing, you pulled me in with your gorgeous full head of hair, charmed me with your banter and when I turned up… disappointed me with your lies. I know you didn’t lose that full head of hair overnight. When I asked, very politely ‘may I ask where all your hair went?’ you reply ever so innocently ‘oh I just haven’t got round to updating my profile pic, that was from when I first started online dating’. Hmmm, where’s that time machine when you need it?
Mr Falls Too Fast
Now he’s a funny character, we start speaking and suddenly he thinks he’s found the one and wants to remove his profile from all the dating sites. Whoa easy tiger, we’ve only just met so please don’t be upset when I say this. I know you think this conversation is amazing, but, if I’m honest, it’s good but it’s not blowing my mind. I’m pretty sociable and can make conversation with most people. You say, ‘I really like you and I want to see where we can take this’ but all I hear are alarm bells. ‘We? We? There is no we. We haven’t even met yet. What do you really know about me?’. Sorry, but all I can see is my next stalker, bye-bye.
Mr Know It All
What attracted me to you was how clever you were, you seemed to know something about everything, and everything about something. How is this even possible I thought? But I loved it anyway. I mean life is all about learning. You had that gorgeously nerdy look that’s so attractive right now, but when we met, I soon realised not only do you think you know everything, but you also don’t think anyone else does. Your need to always be right soon got tiring. Adios Mr Geek, I need a nerd that is not Mr Know it All.
Mr Unavailable
He was really special. He chased me relentlessly, bombarded me with texts, made all these grand plans, but when it came down to it, he always had to cancel at the last minute or was a no show. His phone died, he got stuck in a meeting, he missed his flight (we’re in a pandemic love, find a better excuse), the excuses were endless. A friend and I once realised we had both been contacted by the same unavailable guy and the pattern was identical. So, Mr Unavailable, well done for the consistent approach, but sorry I can’t make Thursday – I’m busy washing my hair. That failing I’d rather pull my own teeth out. One by one. With a pair of tweezers!
Mr Only After One Thing
Ladies, he’s one to watch out for. He starts off slowly, compliments your hair (yes, I know, it’s beautifully shiny and voluminous). Tells you how beautiful your eyes are (thanks dad), how you look so much younger than your age (you can thank my grandmother and my insanely good genes for this one). He thinks you’ve got great curves (we all know what that’s English for) then slowly it gets more suggestive. You say to him ‘seems to me that you’re only after one thing’. ‘Definitely not’ he says ‘I’m looking for the one, someone I can wake up next to for the rest of my life. Narrator: He’s not looking for someone to wake up to for the rest of his life, only for one night of his life.
Mr Nice Guy
Now we all want to fall for Mr Nice Guy. He does everything right, he’s chivalrous, he gives you his undivided attention, he compliments you, heck he even picks up the bill without having the awkward ‘shall we go Dutch?’ conversation. So, why am I sitting here, feeling like I’m having dinner with a friend? Why isn’t my pulse racing? Why can’t I figure out what’s wrong with you? Well, the simple answer is nothing. You are not the problem, I am. I friend-zoned you the second you stood up to greet me, pulled out my chair and gave me that friendly smile. The thing about Mr Nice Guy, unlike some he’s not just after a good time, he doesn’t set out to hurt you, but my fear is he’s too nice, and I will end up hurting him. Surely, I’m not looking for a bad boy? Oh hello, is that a bad boy I spot walking by? Must dash.
Mr Bad Boy
Well, hello there, what is it about you I can’t resist? To take some inspiration from Kelis; Your sexy beard and cocky personality bring all the girls to the yard and you’re like he’s better than yours. No, no, no. You Mr Bad Boy can only play good for so long. I’m surprised you are not cross eyed, what with that one eye you always have on the door, just in case something better walks in. My head has been turned many times by some version of you, but you can’t be tamed, and I’ve grown out of the inclination. Think I need to leave you to the girl that doesn’t know what she wants. This one knows she doesn’t want you.
And finally, Mr Has It All
He’s quite the catch, this one. The right mix of good looking, smart and funny. He even has all his own hair and teeth, but for some inexplicable reason he just hasn’t met the one. There’s always been something missing, he’s waited this long, he’s not going to settle for anything less than what he wants. Your email and text exchanges give you the goosebumps. When you’re sitting across the table you feel something in the pit of your stomach… indigestion maybe? No. it’s a strange feeling, one you are not sure you recognise. Surely that can’t be hope? Hope… The one thing you are scared to admit you still have.
So, self-doubt I’d really appreciate it if you would leave me the f**k alone. Yes, I know Mr Has It All is quite the catch and I won’t be the only one trying to catch him. But here’s the thing, he’s sitting here with me, his eyes aren’t wandering, the conversation is flowing, and I just realised something… He thinks I’m quite the catch too. Mr Has It All may finally have met his Mrs Has It All.
Quick someone find me those handcuffs. Can’t let this one get away.
LOL. Now that really did make me laugh out loud. I can think of a few Misters that I met in my single days. Mr Cheater, Mr Faker, the list is long. Thank god i met my Mr Has it all in time to save me from anymore of those scoundrels