Here’s to a True Year.
Not just another New Year.
“If you’re searching for that one person that will change your life, look in the mirror.” Unknown
Each year when the clock strikes midnight we make all these silly resolutions, that if we’re totally honest, we’re never going to keep. But why do we feel the need to start the new year with promises to improve? Who started this never-ending tradition of self-imposed pressure? And why do we succumb to it, each and every year?
For me the last two years would give even the most popular rollercoasters a run for their money. In 2021, when the clock struck midnight the only promise I made to myself was there would be no resolutions, just promises to be kinder to myself, and live a happier and more fulfilling life.
As I said goodbye to 2022, I gave myself a pat on the back and congratulated myself for surviving another year. I used December to reflect on the lessons and how they would help me continue working on happier version of me. Here are my ten most valuable lessons:
BE GRATEFUL FOR WHAT YOU HAVE AND SEE THE SILVER LINING.
GRATITUDE: If 2022 taught me anything it was gratitude. You’ll hear people flippantly say, “I’m grateful to be alive” but I truly am grateful to be alive. When my car overturned on the motorway back in August, I truly didn’t think I’d make it, but here I am, typing away and putting 2023 into motion. I’m thankful to have been given a second chance at life.
THE SILVER LINING: Yes, I loved my car, and I could sit here crying, thinking why me? Instead, I will thank the universe for stopping me in my tracks and getting me to re-evaluate my wants and desires. Those three months of recovery changed the course of my life.
NEW BEGINNINGS START WITH AN ENDING.
We often hedge our bets, whether it be for work or pleasure. Because we’re taught never put all our eggs in one basket. But nothing ever changes unless we are truly prepared to close a door before we open another. One of my favourite quotes sums this up. “You want to walk into my life; the door is open. You want to walk out; the door is open. But please don’t stand in the doorway, you’re blocking traffic.” Always close the door when you know something is not right for you and stop waiting, that includes half-assed friendships that no longer bring you peace or happiness.
DON’T WASTE YOUR TIME ON ANYTHING YOU CAN’T CHANGE.
Ladies I don’t know what it is about us, and why we do this to ourselves, but life is not one big waiting room. Don’t just park your sorry ass on an uncomfortable chair in the hope something will change. If you took all the energy, you wasted waiting for something to change and used it to create change, your life would be very different. Be the change you want to see.
GIVING SOMEONE MORE OF WHAT THEY ALREADY DON’T APPRECIATE WON’T MAKE THEM LOVE YOU MORE.
We’re so hell bent on fixing things that we seldom see them for what they are – a situation that is not making you happy. Loneliness can be debilitating. A person can be alone without being lonely and lonely without being alone. Let’s stop making excuses or thinking, if I did this or gave him more attention, love etc things will change, they won’t. You can’t fix a broken relationship by giving another person more of you. No ring or band aid baby will fix it. Sometimes you just have to see the situation for what it is – not right for you.
SOMEONE’S EFFORT IS A REFLECTION OF THEIR INTEREST IN YOU.
People can tell you what you want to hear, but more often their actions truly show you how they feel. Talk is cheap, the words may make you feel good, but if it’s not backed by their actions, what’s the point? Stop wasting your time on people who are too busy for you. Too busy to return a text, too busy to call, too busy to meet and just too busy to show up for you when it counts. You don’t need that in your life. Stop giving them the permission to disrespect you like that.
FORGIVE FOR YOURSELF.
Forgiving someone does not make you weak. It gives you peace of mind. You’re sitting there stewing, both hurt and annoyed at what someone else has done. Whilst the person that wronged you is carrying on with life, as if nothing happened. Instead of sitting there harbouring these feeling of anger or questioning your self-worth, forgive them. I’m not telling you to forget what they did. I’m just saying let go of the anger and forgive them, not because they deserve it, but because you do.
IF SOMEONE TELLS YOU THAT YOU HURT THEM. YOU DON’T GET TO DECIDE THAT YOU DIDN’T.
We’re quick to get annoyed when someone says or does something that hurts us. But when the shoe is on the other foot, we rarely think we’ve done anything wrong. Even the most self-aware of us can hurt someone, albeit unintentionally. We think the other person is being overly sensitive, but we don’t get to tell them that they have no right to feel hurt. How can we possibly know how we made them feel? We certainly can’t use ourselves as a benchmark. We don’t all feel the same things. Take accountability for your actions.
DON’T CONSTANTLY PUT OTHERS NEEDS BEFORE YOURS.
There’s a reason they tell you to put on your oxygen mask before helping someone else, you are no use to anyone else unless you are first able to help yourself. A healthy, happy version of you is the greatest gift you can give anyone. We’re so good at anticipating the needs of others but we constantly neglect our own. The more you put someone else’s needs first, the more you are teaching them that you come second. Are you a second-class citizen? No I thought not.
IF WE DON’T TELL PEOPLE HOW WE FEEL, HOW WILL THEY KNOW?
Too often we confuse having needs with feeling needy. The two are not the same and having needs does not make you weak nor needy. It’s ok to ask for help and show your vulnerability to those that are important in your life. You don’t have to do everything alone. Yes, I know you are strong and independent. But even the queen needed someone.
YOU CANNOT ATTRACT BETTER UNTIL YOU START TO ACT BETTER.
Now we all know the importance of this one. We attract what we put out there. You want love? Show love; you want compassion? Exhibit compassion; you want success? Help others succeed; You want wealth? Use your money to make more money. Don’t be the person that only ever helps themselves. Learn to recognise when others need help and offer it without expecting anything in return. Don’t give to receive.
So, 2022, thank you. I learnt and I survived.
Hello 2023. I’m coming for you. This year I’ll be working on 3 things; myself, my life and my happiness.
