Breakups are about more than just shedding tears.
“I think you knew the first time you touched me where this would end, I think you’ve always understood that the destiny of glass is to break.” Blake Auden
Isn’t it funny how we often think that breakups are just about heartbreak, like all you have to do is cry your eyes out, binge-watch romcoms, drink yourself to stupor and eat your weight in chocolate until you feel vaguely human again. But the truth is, breakups are rarely that neat. They’re more like emotional earthquakes that shake our lives to their very core. When a relationship ends, you lose a lot more than just the person you were with. You shed tears, yes, but you also shed pieces of yourself, pieces of your life, and sometimes even pieces of your future. I’ve been there. You’ve been there. We’ve all been there, drowning in heartache and wondering why it feels like our world’s been turned upside down. Breakups god they’re a bloody mess.
SHEDDING MORE THAN TEARS
When a relationship ends, the first thing that hits you is the heartbreak. It’s the kind of pain that starts in your chest and radiates through every corner of your being. You know, the kind that makes you want to crawl under your duvet with a tub of Haagan Daaz and never come out again. But beyond the tears and the ache, there’s also a sense of disorientation, like you’ve lost the plot of your own life. You start to question everything – What went wrong? Was it you? Were you too much or not enough? And suddenly, all those romcoms that promised happy endings feel like cruel jokes played at your expense, because when you’re happy in a relationship, you start to see yourself through your partners eyes, don’t you? You become a bit braver, a bit softer, maybe even a bit sassier. Then, when it all comes crashing down, you’re left wondering who you really are without their reflection staring back at you. You’re not just crying over them; you’re crying over the version of yourself that you were when you were with them. The one who believed in that forever the two of you used to talk about like it was a done deal. So yeah, breakups can feel like losing the plot to your own story, suddenly you’re the leading lady in a drama you never auditioned for.
SHEDDING OLD SKIN
Here’s the thing they don’t tell you about breakups: they force you to shed your old skin. The person you were in that relationship doesn’t fit anymore, and while that sounds poetic, it’s actually terrifying. It’s like your favourite pair of jeans suddenly don’t zip up, and you have no idea what size you are anymore. Relationships shape us, for better or worse. We pick up habits, routines, even ways of speaking that become part of who we are. When it’s over, you realise that some of those habits weren’t even yours to begin with. Maybe you started drinking almond milk because he was lactose-intolerant or got into jazz because it was his favourite genre. And now, you’re standing in the dairy aisle at Sainsbury’s wondering if you even like almond milk at all. This shedding of the old you can feel like losing a part of your identity, but if you flip it on its head, it’s also the beginning of something beautiful: the chance to redefine yourself, on your terms, without anyone else’s influence.
SHEDDING YOUR SOCIAL CIRCLE
Ah, the dreaded social fallout. You see, when you break up with someone, it’s never just with them; it’s with their friends, their family, and even their dog that you secretly adored. The world you built together is suddenly under demolition, and you’re left holding the wrecking ball. You start to notice how many of your social circles overlapped, how many ‘we’ friends you had versus ‘me’ friends. There’s that awkward moment when you realise you’re no longer invited to their cousin’s wedding or that your mutual friends are all Team Ex, leaving you to build a new social life from scratch. This is the part where you shed the relationships that were tied to your ex, and it hurts more than you’d expect. But it’s also where you learn who your real friends are, the ones who show up with Prosecco and chocolate at two in the morning without asking questions.
SHEDDING YOUR DREAMS
And don’t even get me started on the plans. Oh, the plans! the bucket list of places you were going to visit together, and that beautiful house you imagined getting together someday. Breakups don’t just take away your partner; they also take away your sense of direction and a future you’d mapped out in your mind. You realise that so many of your future dreams were intertwined with this person. The plans to move abroad, the wine bar you were going to open. Now, instead of feeling like you’re walking down a path, you feel like you’re standing in the middle of a field with no signposts. Suddenly, you don’t know if you’re headed north, south, or just in circles. The plans you had? Poof, gone. But here’s the thing: when a relationship ends, you get to take back the narrative. Those deferred dreams? They’re yours to reclaim and reimagine, you get to decide what you want to do and when you want to do it.
SHEDDING THE OLD TO BECOME THE NEW YOU
When my last relationship ended, I was broken, but what scared me the most was I wasn’t even sure where to find all the shattered pieces, let alone how I was going to put myself back together again. I remember saying to a friend ‘I feel broken and I didn’t think I’d ever let anyone break me like this again’ he picked up the phone and simply said ‘don’t talk nonsense, you are a warrior’ He’s not wrong but even Warrior’s can break from time to time. After the tears started to dry and we could no longer see each others social media, something started to happen, I began to rediscover me. Like a phoenix rising from the ashes. I’m not going to tell you it’s easy, it’s not, but with each day you shed a little more of your old life, the dreams, the broken promises, the routines, the need to pick up the phone to hear their voice. Yes there are still days where I break down and I’m right back where I started, where I want nothing more than to pick up the phone to the person I spoke to every day, feel safe in the arms that once felt like home. But then you remind yourself, you don’t live there anymore. You need to find a new home and you need to rebuild your life the way you want to.
At the end of the day, when a relationship ends, you realise you shed more than tears; you shed a life that wasn’t quite right for you, even if it felt like it was. You let go of a version of yourself that had outgrown its purpose. And while it’s tempting to think of it all as a loss, perhaps it’s more of a release, a release of everything that was holding you back from becoming the version of you that you needed to be. So, the next time you find yourself crying over a lost future, remember this: you’re not just shedding tears; you’re shedding layers, skin, and old dreams that no longer serve you. And maybe, just maybe, that’s the path you were always meant to take. 💋
