In the right light, everything is extraordinary.
“There are two ways of spreading light; To be the candle or the mirror that reflects it.”
Edith Wharton.
Have you ever come across someone whose sheer presence makes you feel calm? You don’t know them but there’s just something about them that makes you feel like it’s all going to be ok? I have, and let me tell you when you are lucky enough to meet someone like that, it changes your very being and you can’t help but become the person who wants to bring light into the lives of others.
One of the reasons I first started this blog was to heal; not only myself but to help others accept what’s going on in their lives and how it’s making them feel. Creating not only understanding but acceptance. I wanted someone to know it’s ok to feel inadequate, or not feel or be perfect all the time. It’s normal and something everyone feels, even those that you think ‘have it all’.
A year ago, I felt at an all-time low. Nothing was going right in my life. My business that I had painstakingly built was crumbling, the pandemic had hit me hard; The man I thought could be my everything turned out to be an absolute shit, boy did I get that one wrong; And financially I was at an all-time low, never before had I ever had to think twice about doing the basic things that I took for granted and loved so much.
It’s easy when you feel this low to give up and believe me there were times, I just wanted to bury my head in the sand and give up. Those were dark days and there were times I just couldn’t see the light or a way out. Every day felt like I was falling deeper and deeper into this abyss. My life was a mess, I felt like I was on this viscous merry-go-round and no matter how hard I tried I just couldn’t get off. In fact the harder I tried to get off the faster it spun.
I’d never felt so exposed and vulnerable. And as a person who has never found it easy to show her vulnerability, this killed me, painstakingly slowly, each and every day. I stopped speaking to my friends as much; I hardly went out and retail therapy was a thing of the past. I realised I just stopped living and being me. Yet to the outside world I still had a smile on my face and was the tower of strength I’d always been.
Here’s the thing about being that person. Everyone becomes accustomed to you being her and relying on you, whether it be for advice or help. Not for one minute do they ever stop to consider that you too may need help. Not that I could blame them. If I was not prepared to show them my vulnerability, how could I expect them to know? It took a lot for me to admit to loved ones that I was struggling and to accept help, even now it’s a struggle. I’ve come to the stark realisation I’m just not built that way.
I remember one day a friend saying that they’d booked dinner for the five of us at a new restaurant. Usually I’d jump at the chance to see my friends and eat somewhere new, but this time I said I’d think about it. He picked up the phone and said, “no you won’t, you’ll come, it’s on me”, A beautiful gesture from a beautiful friend, but it just made me feel worse about what a shitstorm aka my life was, so I said “no, I can’t let you do that” I didn’t want to feel like a charity case and not paying my way just didn’t sit right with me. Undeterred and knowing my temperament, he changed tack “Babe, how many times have you picked up the bill when we’ve been out? And I let you. Now I want to and you’re going to let me”
It took a lot for me to accept his kindness, but it also made me realise that your friends are not mind readers and if you don’t tell them what’s going on, they’ll never know. They also know you well enough to not make you feel like some failure and for that I will eternally love them, and when I say friends, I also mean family that you consider to be your friends. My misfortune made me realise how lucky I was; I had a lot of people that cared about me and helped when the chips were down.
It was right about this time I started writing about all the things that had plagued me with a rawness that I didn’t think I was willing to share. It felt strangely cathartic and lightened the turmoil that was going on in my mind, and coursing through my soul. That’s when I decided to see a spiritual healer. I needed to understand why there was such darkness in my life and how I could get myself out of this horrific place.
He told me that I had one of the strongest aura’s he’d ever seen, which meant if I chose to, I could truly help others bring light into their lives. But in order to do so, first I had to heal myself and maybe I should consider writing to express myself and my emotions better. My first blog was a dedication to my niece, sharing the important life lessons I’d learnt along my journey, but it was my blog about darkness that really struck a chord. It seemed that I wasn’t alone in this feeling but in expressing it, I had somehow allowed others to feel ok about feeling this way.
My journey had begun, with every article, I feel a lightness that I haven’t felt in a long time. My heart feels more open and my desire to communicate more openly is stronger than it has ever been. With this comes a new set of emotions. An understanding that letting your light shine and sharing it with others is truly a selfless act. One that is truly easy to do, should you choose to. Let me show you how easy, each and every one of us possesses the power to do this.
HELP OTHERS WHEN THEY NEED IT.
Helping someone in their darkest times is something that will never be forgotten. At a time when they feel their life has no light you are there sharing yours. I can not tell you how grateful I am to those that shared their light with me and I know I have friends that will be grateful for the times I shared mine. We’ve always been in it together.
SMILE MORE.
There are days when a smile from a stranger is all that you need. It makes you feel like you’re being seen. I am lucky I have an absolutely beautiful aunt, whose smile lights up a room and I defy anyone not to feel better when she smiles at them. You can borrow her, she has plenty of love to give, but please return her home after, I’ll never stop needing her.
BE POSITIVE.
There’s a lot to be said for positivity, it’s infectious, even to a negative being. Expressing your gratitude and seeing the silver lining helps other focus more on the good than the bad, even when they don’t want to.
BE EMPATHETIC NOT SYMPATHETIC.
There’s a massive difference between the two. One helps you understand what’s going on in someone else’s life, while the other makes you feel sorry for them. When someone is feeling low, sympathy is not what they need. Put yourself in their shoes and ask yourself what you’d want if you were in their situation.
SHARE YOUR PASSION.
Just like positivity, someone’s passion can be super infectious. Seeing how much they enjoy what they do, makes you want to do something you love. Your passion can change the world, one person at a time. Something I’m planning to tap into 😀.
I’ll leave you with this final thought. Once you’ve accepted your demons, you learn to let go in the most liberating way. You stop becoming frighted of deep feelings; instead you allow them to flow. It also means you’re not scared by this in another. Strange thing happens when you openly embrace all that haunts you. Your light shines bright and attracts likeminded people, beautiful people who will cross paths with you and bring nothing but joy and fortune into your life.
Hmm! Meant to rate it at 5! Somehow my finger slipped off a .5
I have come face to face with my biggest dark shadow this last year. We had a talk. I found out I need to stand up for myself, discuss with others, before we explode! I can recognise her now, so now I do not have to be re-active, I can be responsive. I am not scared of me anymore.