Tis the season to be silly. Fa la la la la.
“I’m dreaming of a white Christmas, but if the white runs out, I’ll drink red”
Unknown
It’s fast approaching that time of year when we throw caution to the wind and party like it’s 1999 (thank you Prince, I now can’t get the song out of my head). But tis also the season of morning after regrets.
We’ve all been there. One minute you’re that classy woman; a picture of elegance and decorum – a flute of bubbles in one hand and nibbles in the other, charming everyone in the room. But as the evening progresses you turn into the fun, uninhibited version of you. Now, you’ve had one too many glasses of bubbles, your decision-making skills are a little hazy and all etiquette, straight out the window.
But tomorrow is another day. Tomorrow you’re going to wake up hating yourself, while simultaneously cringing at how fun loving you behaved last night. Tomorrow you’re going to regret everything that felt like a good idea at the time. Let’s make a pact – this year let’s try and avoid feeling like that tomorrow. Let’s both do ourselves a favour and stop repeating the same old mistakes we made year on year. So, in the spirit of the 12 days of Christmas, here’s what I’m going to resolve not to do.
On the 12th day of Christmas my true love gave to me... A horrendous hangover
Fortunately for me I don’t really suffer from hangovers, but that’s not to say I haven’t had a fair few. So, whether you are going out with your colleagues or friends, you really don’t want to wake up hungover. Don’t worry Debbie Downer over here isn’t a hypocrite, she’s not telling you not to have fun, but she’s suggesting you’re prepared. If you plan on getting sh*t faced make sure there is a sober one amongst you, someone who will make sure you get home. When you’re home make sure you drink A LOT of water and don’t forget to take off your makeup. You’ll thank me in the morning.
On the 11th day of Christmas my true love gave to me… Motion sickness
Gosh I can’t believe I am saying this out loud. One year I didn’t realise I had drunk quite as much as I had, well not until I got on the train. The train that trundles along, rocking back and forth, back and forth (or maybe that was me rocking back and forth, who knows) one minute I’m sitting there, minding my own business, two stops from home and all of a sudden the need to be sick was very real. But I’m a woman with decorum so instead of puking all over the train I thought wouldn’t it be clever if I emptied my brand new handbag and puke into it. I’ve never been able to use that handbag again 🙁 .
On the 10th day of Christmas my true love gave to me… The office hook up
Yes, I know, you’ve been flirting with him all year. In the back of your mind, you seem to remember someone telling you he’s with someone. However, the alcohol that’s coursing through your system right now is giving you that added boost of confidence, and you have conveniently forgotten your morals. Don’t do it, of all the things you’ll regret, this will be the worst. And it will be a mistake you are reminded of every single day you go into that office.
On the 9th day of Christmas my true love gave to me… An inappropriate FB post
Who doesn’t love a bit of social media? We’re so big on sharing our best life, but our best lives become a little skewed when we’ve had a few. Best advice I can give you? Put your phone away and don’t access your social media while you’re out having a good time. Why? Because once you’ve woken up you’ll see that horrific post you shared, at which point you’ll be asking yourself ‘what the hell was I thinking?’.
On the 8th day of Christmas my true love gave to me. Lost property
Now where the hell did I put my phone? Did I lend it to someone? Did it drop out of my pocket? Let me ring it. Oh no, I just remembered, in my drunken stupor I dropped it in the toilet, while I was checking my insta account (another good reason to leave your phone in your bag) duh.
On the 7th day of Christmas my true love gave to me… Confidence
See the thing about alcohol, it makes you brave, or stupid, I haven’t decided which it is yet, maybe a little of both. And with said courageousness comes the confidence to speak out. Never a good idea. If you’re bottling something up, have the conviction to have the conversation when you’re sober. Your boss won’t appreciate the words ‘ju wanna no what I realllllly fink?’ at the end of the office party.
On the 6th day of Christmas my true love gave to me… Drinkjuries
I’m convinced, when I went to sleep I didn’t have any of these injuries, but when I woke up, well that’s another story. Hmmm why can’t I put any pressure on my ankle? OMG it’s swollen, what the hell did I do? And is that a bruise on my shin. Was I out drinking last night, or did I get into a fight? Good God my body feels like I’ve gone 10 rounds with Mike Tyson.
On the 5th day of Christmas my true love gave to me… A spiked drink
I’m grateful this has never happened to me, but it does happen and lately we’ve been hearing about it happening a lot. I know it’s flattering when the cute guy over there sends you a glass of bubbly. But you don’t know that cute guy. He could be a serial killer for all you know, arguably a serial killer with a cute face, but you get my point. Please don’t leave your drink unattended and don’t accept drinks from strangers, no matter how cute they are, but feel free to snog them, that’s 100% ok 😉 .
On the 4th day of Christmas my true love gave to me… A cleared-out bank account
It’s really easy to overspend at Christmas. The Mrs Frugal you turns into Mrs Spendthrift. I know you NEED that cute Santa car ornament, look at the way he wriggles his bum – adorable. Oh, and those red shoes, red’s so the colour of Christmas and it’s not like you bought a pair last Christmas. Or if you are one of my three silly sisters (yes you know who you are), you’ll need another trip to Bicester Village to buy yourself a coat or a bag or two. I spoke to your bank balance earlier and they asked me to tell you ‘your credit card is temporarily cancelled’.
On the 3rd day of Christmas my true love gave to me… A mental breakdown
Christmas can be a stressful time. What with finding the perfect gift for everyone; making sure all the food shopping is done, making your way round seeing relatives and finding some downtime for those board games (my personal favourite). But just remember it’s also the time to relax with loved ones, the quality of the time you spend with them is much more important than the gifts you buy. So, let’s try and avoid a meltdown.
On the 2nd day of Christmas my true love gave to me… Family feuds
Whether it’s the pent-up resentment, annoyance you’ve been harbouring through the year or the alcohol, Christmas isn’t known as the season of arguments for no reason. You’re usually so good at keeping the peace and your hurtful comments to yourself, but there’s something about the festive period that loosens your tongue and you’re more likely to say things you’ll regret afterwards (lucky for my family I’m like this all year round 😉 ).
On the 1st day of Christmas my true love gave to me… A drunken message
Step away from the phone missy. Yes, I know you’re feeling good right now. That boozy Christmas breakfast has loosened your tongue, not to mention that port you’ve been sipping on all day. Texting him seems like a really good idea right now, doesn’t it? Don’t do it! Hand your phone over. We both know drunk dialling or texting is for amateurs and it seldom ends well.
And just so we’re clear that also goes for New Years Eve in a few days’ time. Yes, I know, it’s the time of year when we take stock of life and evaluate our goals and relationships. But fearing being alone is not a good reason to text anyone, especially not your ex.
