Never ask to be noticed. The silent scream of hope.
“Nor do they beg, cry, pander, hustle, bribe, or coerce. Intrinsic beauty radiates outward from its source. It doesn’t launch multimillion dollar marketing campaigns to garner attention for itself. Truly beautiful things are simply noticed. Then, one by one, other people start calling attention to them to share in their splendour.” James Thurber
Few things are lonelier than not being seen. That sinking feeling when you’re standing in a room full of people, yet you might as well be invisible. It’s a silent scream, a desire for attention, and recognition from the ones we love. But there’s an art to being seen without explicitly asking for it, a dance between self-worth, love, and visibility.
THE SILENT SCREAM
Ever had that feeling of being in a room and yet feeling utterly alone? It’s a bit like shouting in an echo chamber, every bone in your body is screaming to be noticed, for validation, especially from those you care about. It’s an inexplicable need to be recognised, to have your very existence affirmed. We all feel it, don’t we? Yet, sometimes, no matter how loud we scream in our silence, it feels as though it falls on deaf ears. Especially when it comes to those we love. It’s the most agonising kind of loneliness, to be so visible, yet to feel as though you’re standing behind a pane of glass, in a soundproofed room.
And you’re not looking for the grand gestures of attention, no, it’s about the little things that make you feel seen and valued. That’s what makes this feeling of invisibility so painful. It’s a reminder that even in a world so busy, it’s possible to feel alone and unacknowledged. It’s like being on a solitary island in the middle of a bustling city. So, how do we navigate these silent screams? How do we manage this need to be seen without resorting to begging for attention? How do we ensure our love language is being understood, especially by those we love the most?
IS LOVE BLIND?
Have you ever found yourself caught in the crossfire of love, squinting, trying to decipher if love has just donned a blindfold or the other person is just not picking up the right signals? For what it’s worth, love should never have you doubting your worth or your visibility. It’s a bit like trying to read a book in the dark; if you can’t see the words, it’s not your eyesight letting you down, but the sheer lack of light. In the same vein, if you’re feeling unseen in a relationship, it might not be your ‘fault.’ Maybe the lights are dim, and it’s time for an open, heartfelt chat about how you feel. Being open and honest might sound like cliché relationship advice but communication is the cornerstone of any good relationship – it’s okay to speak up if you’re feeling like a background character in your own love story
Remember, you’re not just a footnote or a supporting character. You’re the lead. Your feelings matter and are worthy of being acknowledged and addressed. Don’t let anyone make you feel otherwise. Your love story should never be a solo act. It should be a duet, with both voices singing in harmony, not just one humming in the dark. Now, I’m not suggesting you start sending smoke signals or launch into a dramatic monologue., just that you have a simple, honest conversation. So, pour yourselves a glass of wine, find a comfy spot on the sofa and dive into an open dialogue. And if the other person’s not interested in listening or just not getting the script? Well, then it might just be time to reconsider the casting.
SPEAKING UP
When we start to appreciate ourselves for who we are, we no longer rely on others to feel validated. Instead, we start to see our own worth. And with that self-love and self-appreciation, we start to realise that we deserve attention – not the forced kind, but the kind that flows naturally from genuine care and love. So, if you’re feeling overlooked, take a step back and remind yourself of your worth. It’s not an act of arrogance, it’s an act of self-love. And remember, it’s okay to speak up. If you’re not feeling seen, it’s completely valid to communicate this to the people around you. Don’t suffer in silence. Sometimes, all it takes is a heart-to-heart chat to shift things into perspective. But remember what I said, if the person you’re trying to get through to still doesn’t get the message, maybe it’s time for a recast. You’re worth more than background noise, never forget that.
BALANCING THE ART OF SEEING AND BEING SEEN
Think about this – in any relationship, be it romantic, platonic, or professional, there’s a dynamic that requires careful navigation. It’s not always about taking centre stage; sometimes, it’s about stepping back, giving others a chance to shine, while other times it’s about making your presence known. It’s about knowing when to raise your voice and when to lend an ear. Think of it like this, if we’re always looking to be seen, to be heard, to be the main attraction, then we risk becoming that person in the room who’s always talking, but never really saying anything. But, if we retreat entirely, if we choose to live in the shadows, we risk being forgotten, overlooked, and taken for granted.
Just like a dance, a healthy relationship requires balance. It’s a beautiful ballet of give and take, where both partners understand when it’s their turn to pirouette and when it’s their moment to gain a clap from the audience. So, next time you find yourself feeling like you’re walking that tightrope, remember, it’s not about who can stay on the longest. It’s about understanding the rhythm, the ups and downs, and moving gracefully in sync. And hey, if you occasionally lose your balance, don’t sweat it. That’s just life reminding you that it’s okay to falter, as long as you dust yourself off, pick yourself up, and keep dancing.
PUTTING AWAY THE NEED FOR VISIBILITY
Learning to value yourself without needing the approval of others isn’t easy and it doesn’t come naturally to most people. But, when you stop waiting for the spotlight to shine on you and start acknowledging your own brilliance, something magical happens. You begin to cherish your own company and understand the sheer weight of your worth. It’s as if you’re tidying away your need to be seen into the back of your wardrobe, and in doing so, you find a comforting calm in just being you. No frills, no constant need for validation, just you doing you. You come to understand that your value isn’t dictated by someones inability to see it or the amount of attention you receive, but by the love and respect you have for yourself.
Your existence is not a pop-up ad, waiting for someone to take notice. It’s a timeless classic, a tale that’s worth telling, worth listening to, and most importantly, worth valuing. You, my friend, are enough just as you are. So, here’s a toast to you, to us, to learning to value ourselves beyond the gaze of others. Here’s to closing the wardrobe and dancing in our own light.
I’ll leave you with this, remember to hold onto your silent screams of hope, the ones that whisper to you in the darkest of moments, reminding you that light will return. Sometimes those silent screams are the most powerful forms of hope, because they’re the ones we hold quietly within our hearts. No one can take that away from you. 💋
