Have we seen the last of the great love stories?
“Once upon a time there was a boy who loved a girl, and her laughter was a question he wanted to spend his whole life answering.” Nicole Krauss
Yesterday we said goodbye to a truly beautiful woman, inside and out. A woman whose infectious smile could light up a room, someone whose energy could be felt for miles. A loving wife, wonderful mother and doting grandmother. Her eulogy was so beautiful, making you smile and cry in equal measures. Such a fitting end to the life of someone so wonderful.
It wasn’t until yesterday that I heard the story of how they met and what an epic love story it was. One that you would tell your kids and grandchildren for years to come. If you were ever fortunate enough to meet my great aunt and great uncle, I wouldn’t blame you if you were confused about how the two of them were compatible. He was this green-eyed loveable rogue; her this unassuming understated woman with a gorgeous smile. But anyone that knew their dynamic, knew their love was that forever kinda love, that we all hope to find. ❤️
THEIR GREAT LOVE STORY.
Over 40 years ago a very handsome, green eyed, 26-year-old (my great uncle) walked into the Slough branch of Barclays bank, to deposit the takings from a Millets store opening he was overseeing. The banker (my beautiful great aunt) simply smiled at this handsome green-eyed hunk. At that very moment not only did she take his money but she also stole his heart.
For the next week this exchange would happen daily. Could he have asked someone else to bank the taking? of course he could, but then how would he flirt with my great aunt? But on this day, it would be his last day banking at that branch. On this day he waited patiently to be called to the banker, hoping that they’d call cashier 2, where the banker with the gorgeous smile was sitting, but alas fate wasn’t so kind and when they called cashier 4, his face fell. But by now all the girls in the branch could see this love story unfolding right in front of their eyes. The cashier turned to smile at my great aunt and said, ‘look green eyes is back for you’.
When my great aunt realised, he wasn’t coming in any more she visited his store to ‘buy a pair of jeans’ hoping to catch a glimpse of him and strike up a conversation, and she returned every day to buy another pair until they exchanged numbers and started dating, not long after they married, and I can honestly say they were soul mates. What a beautiful love story, right up there with Romeo and Juliet; Cleopatra and Mark Anthony; Shah Jahan and Mumtaz Mahal. But while I was listening to their story with a sad smile on my face, it sent my mind into a tiz, questioning whether in this modern dating world we’ll ever get to hear about love stories like this again?
In this day and age of swipe left, swipe right, have we lost the potential to have our own beautiful, epic love story? What will we tell our children? Well mummy was bored one day, and she thought she’d scroll through Hinge. Your dad caught her eye and she messaged ‘hi, nice smile’, they got talking, met for drinks, but daddy was also seeing 8 other women until he decided mummy was the one for him. What a horrific prospect.
And I mustn’t be the only person who feels like this. If you’ve ever been unfortunate enough to be stuck in the rut of dating this modern way, you’ll understand all about dating app burnout and can likely empathise with why more and more people are turning away from dating apps, but if you don’t, here are a few reasons that might make you think twice about how you want to write your love story.
DATING APPS ARE ODDLY COUNTERINTUITIVE.
Think about it. The irony of dating apps. The very purpose of these sites is to connect people with a view of finding love and leaving the site to live their happily ever after. Yet the dating sites make their money from people staying on the sites for longer than they need to and returning every time something doesn’t work out (for most that will be every three months). Sounds ludicrous when you say it out loud.
ONLINE DATING CAN BE SOUL DESTROYING.
Not just for females either. There are only so many times you can get ready to go out on a first date, to meet someone who you seem to connect with, only to realise they look nothing like their picture, and they were just hiding behind an online persona. I remember going on one date where the guy actually said to me “I appreciate the effort you made with the way you looked, you got the balance right, most women these days just rock up looking like they’ve just got out of bed”.
SHOPPING LISTS ARE BEST LEFT FOR GROCERIES.
When you write your profile, you get to answer all these questions to narrow down your search criteria (only it doesn’t). You have this long list of things you are looking for and while you’re on your date you mentally tick them off the list. But if someone doesn’t match, then you know you can just move onto the next person on your list. But when you meet someone in the real world you first get a feel for them, their aura, their warmth, then you learn about them. Online dating totally lacks the personal touch.
CHEATING ISN’T CONSIDERED CHEATING.
Before the rise of online dating, we went to a bar, locked eyes with a handsome stranger, struck up a conversation, knowing full well that you found them attractive, arranging a date at the end of the night. But the focus was always on one person. Dating apps give you great opportunities to multi-date, because you’re not actually cheating, are you? No, you are just hedging your bets and seeing what’s out there. You don’t owe anything to the person you are talking to, because they’re just another number to you and you haven’t made an investment in them. What a soulless way to date.
IT’S NOTHING BUT LIP SERVICE.
You can waste months talking to someone who talks a good game, but until you get them out into the real world you don’t truly get a measure of who they are. This is when you really get to see the essence of them, their true character. You get to see them interact with real people. How they treat the waiting staff says a lot about them. Are they the same person they profess to be around their friends? If not pay close attention that’s the real them. The other version is the one they’ve been hiding behind. We like to call it their online persona.
Now don’t get me wrong, these retched sites have a lot going for them. I know of many marriages that were born from online dating, even my little sister met her Prince Charming this way and one of my best friends, both ridiculously in love with one another. So I’m not saying don’t do it, but I am saying go into it with your eyes wide open.
Maybe look into the sites that cut down the perusal time, like Thursday’s – A great concept it has to be said. Essentially the app only works on Thursday’s and encourages you to arrange to meet the same day. Perfect for spontaneity and to reduce dwell time. Then there’s the old but new approach of joining sites like Otto Connection that are all about joining nights out with other singletons, based on the kinds of activities you like. Ensuring you meet like-minded individuals with the possibility that you meet one you are actually attracted to. If not, you’ve not only broadened your friends circle, but you had a great night out, doing something you love. And who knows the friend you made, may have the perfect single friend for you.
Navigating love in this day and age is never easy, but me, I’ve finally accepted that I want that great love story. The one that will give me that warm feeling inside, one which I will never tire of telling. Personally, I don’t think that dating apps is where I am going to find it. However, if someone wants to prove me wrong, please be my guest. But if you do, let’s make it a story that counts. 💋
…(and) her laughter was a question he wanted to didn’t his whole life answering ❤️❤️❤️ simply beautiful. I’m certain one day you’ll have a story that counts. Love Sarb x