Are you here on business or pleasure? Both
“Never get so busy making a living you forget to make a life.”
Dolly Parton
Scrolling through my social media the other day I noticed a post from a guy asking for advice on the best way to ask out a girl he works with. What ensued was a tirade of comments warning him not to do it; ‘just go to work to work and leave dating for the outside world’ ‘don’t shit on your own doorstep’ ‘I still work with my ex-husband, believe me it’s not worth it’. What a bunch of negative nellies.
As you can probably tell I don’t subscribe to this way of thinking, and I’ve witnessed many a successful relationship that started out in the workplace. Couples that twenty years on are happily married, with beautiful children. When I look back at my twenties and thirties, I think to myself ‘didn’t I have a great life’ Then I sit back and ask myself ‘what was so great about it?’
Was it the 12 hour days I put in at least 5 days a week? Was it the great set of friends I made? Well they were work colleagues, and are now nowhere to be seen, so I guess not. Was it the fantastic love life I had? No, of course not, there weren’t enough hours in the day for love. Looking back, I defined my great life by the success I had achieved in my career and what I was earning because of it. That same career that left me without the time to meet someone who made a difference to my life. Someone that supported my growth and helped me realise my dreams. You see as Ms Parton so eloquently put it; I was too busy making a living that I forgot the importance of building a life.
But let me ask you this, when you are spending every waking moment at your desk, where are you supposed to meet that special someone? (and please don’t say online) Even in today’s time poor society mixing business with pleasure is frowned upon. But if your life is centred around work, what are you supposed to do? With 1 in 10 couples meeting at work (significantly lower than the 1 in 5 in the 90s), is meeting someone at work such a bad thing? Let’s explore a few pros and cons.
YOU’RE NEVER SHORT OF CONVERSATION:
PRO: Pre covid, you spent an average of 10 hours a day, in the office. You both understand not only what it’s like to work at that office but the dynamics of the industry that you work in. You’ll never be short of conversation.
CON: You may not have anything else to talk about other than work. In which case the relationship will die a death pretty quickly.
YOU GET TO SEE ALL OF THEM:
PRO: Unlike most relationships where you spend the first six or seven months getting to know someone, you already know this someone. You clearly like what you see, or you wouldn’t contemplate getting involved with them.
CON: When shit hits the fan you will truly get to see how they react in an adverse situation and you may not like it.
YOU CONFUSE GETTING ALONG WITH ATTRACTION:
PRO: When you spend an inordinate amount of time with someone it’s easy to develop feelings for them. Only through exploration will you know if there is a genuine romantic connection, one that could flourish outside of the workplace.
CON: You could simply be confusing your feelings because of the amount of time you’re spending with the person. When we spend that much time with another it’s easy to mistake familiarity with attraction and chemistry.
THE ADRENALIN RUSH:
PRO: You’d be lying if you said there wasn’t something sexy and intoxicating about sneaking around. A stolen kiss in a corridor; flirtatious emails back and forth; A quick fumble in the lift; playing footsie under the table at a meeting. It can ignite the passion in any relationship.
CON: The illicit nature of your relationship could be what’s carrying it. As soon as you come out to your colleagues, one of you could feel the relationship is too mundane and lose interest.
IT IGNITES YOUR COMPETITIVE STREAK:
PRO: Healthy competition in the workplace undoubtably pushes you to raise your game. It’s not that you want to be better than him, but you don’t want him to be better than you either 🤷🏽♀️.
CON: If you work in the same department and a new job opening comes along, only one of you can get it. As happy as either of you will be for the one that gets it, it will inevitably breed resentment.
Maybe it’s the incurable romantic in me, that raises her head every now and again. Because having said all of the above, I still believe, to the dismay of some, that workplace romances can lead to happily ever after, as long as you both agree and employ a few basic rules:
COMMUNICATE OPENLY:
Be open with each other and those who it will affect in the office. The worst thing you can do is hide your romance/relationship from HR and your team. This will also help you establish whether it’s against company policy
UNDERSTAND THE DYNAMICS:
Dating a colleague is one thing, but dating a client or even a supplier may not be such a clever idea. Ultimately someone will think that favouritism will come into play and that’s not healthy. If you do choose to date one of these, then some daily distance in your work dynamic is a good thing. I guess you could say the same about your sexy boss.
SET CLEAR BOUNDARIES:
Agree what is and isn’t appropriate in the office including topics of conversation i.e. no talk about the relationship in the office around colleagues; and no work talk out of the office; no PDA’s (the ones behind closed doors… totally ok).
DON’T LET YOUR RELATIONSHIP AFFECT YOUR WORK:
Yes, he looks hot; Yes, you remember the way he touched you last night; Yes, your pulse races when he’s in close proximity, but you can’t let it affect your performance. Don’t give anyone an excuse to say you’re slacking because of your relationship, especially your boss.
FORWARD PLAN:
I know you just got together, and no one wants to think about the possibility of breaking up. But it’s good to have the chat and agree that no matter what happens you will be civil to one another. Your personal relationship should not affect anyone else in the office. It may not be easy, but it can’t be any other way.
EMPLOY MATURITY:
Not everything in life turns out the way we expected, but if you’re both grown-ups you can come through the other side relatively unscathed. I know it won’t be easy to see the person you were with, out with someone else, but things didn’t work for a good reason. Be prepared for this and don’t throw your toys out the pram (unless he was a total shit, in which case, through them at him).
I guess the bigger question now is, with hybrid working being employed in so many places, how are your eyes going to connect with that devilishly handsome co-worker? You know the one, he sets your pulse racing every time. Are we really going to be more reliant on those dreaded dating sites? Gosh that doesn’t even bear thinking about.
As most relationships can have an end date? I would not have such emotions for a work colleague.😊