Breaking habits: Can we ever let go of what we love?
“We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, then, is not an act, but a habit.” Aristotle
Aristotle was onto something when he said that. Did you know that it takes between 18 and 254 days to break a habit? Crazy right? What’s crazier is it’s 2.54 am and here I am tossing and turning, willing sleep to come. But no, instead here I am battling with my inner turmoil and wondering whether everything you do in life, good or bad is nothing but a habit and if that is the case, can we break free from it if we choose? Can we unchain ourselves from these daily routines, the ones it’s so easy to get caught up in? Every day, we set the alarm for the same time, get up, drink our morning coffee just the way we like it, lace up our trainers or pull on our heels, and go about our lives. We walk down the same streets, stop at the same places, see the same faces and sometimes, if we’re lucky or unlucky, depending on your perspective, fall into the same arms at night.
We’re creatures of habit, repeating our actions, thoughts, and even emotions until they form a rhythm, a beat we dance to every day without a second thought. But what happens when that rhythm starts to suffocate us? When the things we once loved doing start to feel like chains that bind us, dragging us down with each passing day? Can we ever really break free from the habits that define us or are we doomed to repeat them, over and over, in some twisted version of groundhog day? Surely if routines becomes habits, then if we change a routine, by default we create a new habit? You can call me insane, but whether good or bad, I believe habits have one thing in common: they can be broken but first you have to acknowledge that the life you’re living isn’t the one you really want.
THE POWER OF ROUTINE
Habits are the backbone of our lives. They give us structure, predictability, and a sense of control in a world where chaos is just a train ride away. We all have our routines, our little rituals that keep us grounded. For me, it’s the waking up to my morning green goddess smoothie, lacing up my trainers and getting out to the gym (on my gym days), opening my laptop and tapping away until it’s time to prep the dinner at 7 pm. Dinner is always eaten in front of the TV watching one programme that’s recorded or Netflix, two if we’re lucky, then it’s bedtime. These are the rhythms of my life, the comforting beats that guide me through each day. But there’s a darker side to routine, one we rarely talk about. It’s the way these habits can start to feel like chains, binding us to a life that no longer fits. I remember a time when I was so deeply entrenched in my routines that I didn’t notice how much they were suffocating me. I had my gym schedule down to a science, my social life planned weeks in advance – always planned around my gym days and my ‘no drinking before a Friday’ rule. On the surface, everything seemed perfect. But beneath that polished exterior, I was restless, trapped in a life that felt more like a well-rehearsed script than a spontaneous adventure. It wasn’t until I broke free from those routines, went out on a Wednesday and had a drink, let go of the need to control every detail, even didn’t clean on a weekend (gasp!) that I realised how much I had been missing. Breaking those habits opened up space for something new, something real, something unexpected. And that’s when I learned the first lesson about habits: they’re powerful, but they’re not unbreakable.
GOOD HABITS CAN BE JUST AS DANGEROUS
Not all habits are destructive. In fact, some are downright beneficial, morning jogs, green goddess smoothies, or that mindfulness app you downloaded because you swore, you’d stress less this year. But even good habits can become problematic. I mean is there such a thing as being too disciplined? Is it possible that our so-called “good habits” are just another way of keeping ourselves in check, preventing us from truly living? Are our good habits just another way of controlling our lives, another form of perfectionism disguised as self-care? When does a good habit cross the line into obsession? And more importantly, what happens when those habits stop serving us? For years, I had a habit of writing a list, convinced that that without a list I could not survive. It became a ritual, without it I felt like I couldn’t achieve anything, but I broke that habit. I started doing what I wanted to do, when I wanted to do it. Breaking that habit didn’t mean I was less disciplined or less dedicated, it meant I was open to change, to growth, to finding what worked for me now, not what worked for me five years ago. So yes, even good habits can be dangerous if we hold onto them too tightly. Sometimes, the best thing we can do is let them go.
BREAKING BAD HABITS IS EASIER SAID THAN DONE
We’ve all been there, trying to kick a bad habit that clings to us like a bad relationship. Whether it’s comfort eating, drinking, or a shopping addiction that’s wrecked your finances more than once, these habits are tough to break. I think recognising these habits are nothing more than coping mechanism is the first step in breaking the bad habit. Yes, they give us momentary joy at a time where we might otherwise feel stressed or anxious & even on those occasions when the loneliness creeps in during the quiet moments. But if we try we can find a new way to cope, a healthier habit to replace the old one. For me I replaced my comfort eating with pumping at the gym, not heavy, well not as first, but just enough to feel the endorphins kick in, to replace the rush with something better. You see that’s the thing about bad habits, they’re tough to break because they serve a purpose, even if it’s a destructive one. But once we understand why we cling to them, we can start to unravel them, to find new ways to meet our needs without the crutches we’ve relied on for so long.
LOVE IS ARGUABLY THE HARDEST HABIT TO BREAK
And then there’s love. The habit that can be the most beautiful and the most painful of all. Is love really the hardest habit to break or are we just addicted to the idea of it, the fairytale, the happily-ever-after, the belief that if we just try hard enough, it’ll all work out? For me, It’s the feelings love brings that we find hard to let go of – the intoxication, the rush of excitement, the warmth of a hand in yours, the feeling of being seen, understood, and cherished, which makes love the hardest habit to break, even when it’s no longer good for us. When I think back to some of the emotional rollercoasters my past relationships were, I ask myself ‘what was I thinking?’ They were full of highs and lows, passionate reunions and devastating breakups. Imagine two magnets, drawn to one another, unable to stay apart for long. Even when I knew that the relationship wasn’t right for me, breaking free wasn’t easy. I realise now that It wasn’t just about letting go of the person; it was about letting go of the idea of us, of the future I had imagined, of the dream that one day we would finally get it right. But Love is a stubborn b*stard, it lingers even after you’ve made the decision to walk away. It haunts you in the quiet moments, in the songs that play on the radio, in the places you once shared. Eventually though you realise if you fill the void with new experiences, new people and new adventures you can rediscover yourself and learn to enjoy your own company again. And the next time you meet someone who you think could be the one, you learn to set boundaries. When we let go of the love that no longer serves us, we make room for a love that will. You won’t die of heartbreak, it’s all habitual & eventually everyone learns how to break a habit.
NEW BEGINNINGS MAKE SPACE FOR NEW HABITS
Breaking old habits, whether they’re about love, life, or simply how we spend our mornings, creates a void. But soon, that empty space starts to fill with new habits, new routines, new possibilities. After I let go of my last big relationship, I found myself with a lot of free time, and a lot of empty space in my heart. It would have been easy to fill that space with another relationship, another man, another distraction. But I decided to do things differently. Instead of rushing into something new, I took my time. I explored my triggers, connected with new friends, and tried new things, cooking classes, writing, and even dining out alone. Breaking a habit isn’t just about what you’re letting go of; it’s about what you’re making room for.
My eyes are finally closing and as we draw to a close, much as I’d love to wrap this up with a neat little bow, the truth is, the journey of breaking habits, good or bad, is never really over. Life is constantly changing, and so are we. The habits that served you yesterday might not serve you tomorrow, and that’s okay. The important thing is to stay open, to stay curious, to keep growing. I’m still on that journey, still figuring out what habits I need to break and what new ones I want to cultivate. I’ve learned that it’s okay to outgrow the things that once defined me, to let go of the routines that no longer feel right, and to embrace the unknown with open arms.
So, here’s to breaking the habits that hold us back and embracing the ones that move us forward. Here’s to the ongoing journey of self-discovery, growth, and becoming the best version of ourselves. And most importantly, here’s to the power of choice, the choice to break free, to let go, and to start anew. Maybe the hardest habits to break are the ones that lead us to the best versions of ourselves, because sometimes the things that break our hearts actually end up fixing our vision. 💋
