If I had a penny for every time I heard the words “you’re one of the strongest women I know” I’d not only be strong, I’d also be rich, very rich. And who can blame them? They’re not wrong, I am one of the strongest women they know. Not because I chose to be, but because I had to be. My whole life I’ve been the ‘older sister’ ‘the eldest child’ ‘the planner’ & ‘the one that will sort it out’. Did I ask for any of this? No, but is it who I am? Yes.
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Few things are lonelier than not being seen. That sinking feeling when you’re standing in a room full of people, yet you might as well be invisible. It’s a silent scream, a desire for attention, and recognition from the ones we love.
There’s a true art to being seen without explicitly asking for it, where we dance between self-worth, love, and visibility.
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“You cannot beat a river into submission. You have to surrender to its current and use its power as your own” The Ancient One, Dr Strange. Now I don’t know about you, but I love to dance, The Argentinian Tango, Paso Doble, Even a good old-fashioned foxtrot. But there’s one tune I cannot dance to and that’s Submission. I vehemently detest the word and no matter what anyone says, I will never change my mind..
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Someone I once loved, gave me a box full of darkness. It took me years to understand that too was a gift.” Mary Oliver. Adversity is relentless, unapologetic, and often arrives without warning. In the grand narrative of life, it will always be the enemy, challenging our resolve, testing our limits, and pushing us to the brink of despair. But within our darkest moments, there’s lies a hidden strength, a quiet, unyielding force that whispers of resilience.
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“When a woman says, ‘I have nothing to wear’ what she actually means is, there is nothing here for who I am supposed to be today.” Caitlin Moran. As I’m sitting here with my writer’s hat on (one of many that I wear throughout the day), I’m plagued by thoughts of the numerous roles the modern-day woman plays. All the while trying to be the best versions of ourselves. Me… Daughter, sister, aunt, friend, coach, writer, cook, provider and finally me.
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“By trying to please everybody, nice guys often end up pleasing nobody – including themselves.” Robert A Glover
When I was younger, I was always attracted to a bad boy, there was just something about him that I couldn’t resist. That fantastic swagger, the way he dressed, the cockiness it was all too much, I just couldn’t say no. I’d like to say that I’ve changed, but that’s not 100% true.
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In the words of the very wise Maya Angelou “When someone shows you are they are, believe them the first time’.
Men are straightforward creatures. If they want something badly enough, they’ll be sure to let you know. Women on the other hand hold on for dear life to the smallest glimmer of hope, which is inherently why we get played. We let things slide …
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“You are not a man until you give your love, truly & freely to a child. And you are not a good man until you earn the love, truly & freely, of a child in return.” Gregory David Roberts
It’s hard to understand love if you’ve never experienced it, and I’m not just talking about the love between two adults in a committed relationship, No, I’m talking about the kind of love that teaches you what real love is.
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“Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. Fool me 200 times and we’re probably in a situationship.” Navigating relationships has never been easy but it should never be this complicated. Let’s just chill. Let’s just be cool. Let’s have sex, and let’s be confused about the fact we are not together but have feelings for each other. Welcome to the era of situationships.
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Can we be honest with ourselves? In life we will encounter many failed relationships. You know the ones I mean? The ones that never quite hit the spot, yet you stayed, a little longer than you intended. Hoping that one day it would change and magically transform into everything you ever wanted, only it never did. At the time you can’t understand why it didn’t work but there’s a really simple reason.
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I can’t believe it’s been twenty years since you left us, but in truth I still see you every day.
I hear your words; I smell your smell and feel your warmth. It doesn’t matter that you are no longer here, for me you will always be with me, for you are part of me and I you.
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The other day a friend sent me one of the funniest comedy performances I’ve ever seen, where Dave Chappelle proceeded to talk about what a catastrophe it was that Chivalry was dead… Cue all the women in the audience cheering loudly
Then he said… Women killed it – complete silence.
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“Men age like wine. Women age like milk.” Some unknown idiotic male
As a woman that is surrounded by women who are most definitely fine wines, not curdled milk, this expression is quite possibly the most ludicrous thing I’ve ever heard. And between you and me I’ve heard some pretty stupid things.
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“I just love her energy. Doesn’t she have a great vibe? She doesn’t take any sh*t. She’s always in control of her life’. She’s got such a good heart. Why is she still single?”
Words I hear often and here’s the thing I am all those things and more but there are days I’m also all those things and less. Yes, I’m kind; caring; considerate; smart; easy on the eye (if you believe what they say).
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“They say that being jealous is an act of love. I say that if you love and care for that person you should also learn to trust.”
You noticed her the second she walked in. There was something about her that you were inexplicably drawn to. Maybe it’s the confidence with which she strode past you, commanding your attention; Or the cheeky glint in her eye, you know she’s trouble.
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If you think I’m coming back, don’t hold your breath. I’m never coming back. Even in the rare moments of weakness when all I remember is the good, I will force myself to remember why I walked away in the first place. And I’ll carry on walking, as far away from you as I can.
Yes, I know, to me you are familiar, like my favourite perfume, no matter how hard I try I can recognise your scent anywhere.
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Feels like a strange thing to say, because it makes it seem like everything that happens to us is somehow our own fault. So let me be clear what I’m not saying is we reap what we sow.
Tolerance however is a strange notion, so familiar yet so alien. We go through our whole lives tolerating things it just becomes the norm. So much so that we stop seeing it as something we tolerate & just accept it as a way of life.
But we must be careful what we tolerate as we’re teaching people how to treat us.
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There are two types of people in this world. Those that can stay friends with their exes and those that need a clean slate and choose to walk away. I am firmly in the first camp.
There are many reasons our relationships fail; me I like to cut my losses and walk away if I don’t feel like it’s going anywhere. That is no reflection on my ex and doesn’t make him a bad person. It just means I didn’t feel they were right for me as a life partner, but they were great people, so we were just better as friends.
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“You hate when people see you cry because you want to be that strong girl. But then you hate how nobody sees how broken and torn you are.” Farah Asif Khan.
I was lucky, I was raised by one of the strongest women I will ever be blessed to know – my grandmother. Widowed young, mother of four, grandmother to ten (well fourteen, but that’s another story), who she raised with grace, ease, and pride.
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“If you push me away, I promise you, you won’t find me where you left me. My heart’s big, but not big enough to deal with people who decide to love me when it’s convenient. The Modern Break Up.
Let’s imagine a very common scenario. Boy meets girl, there’s an instant attraction, you’re getting along really well, you have a great connection, you talk long into the night about anything & everything, get each other’s sense of humour & then out of the blue you hear those familiar words.
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