I’m not someone who’s unfamiliar with the dating pool, I’ve been for a swim in these murky waters many, many times. But as time goes on there’s one thing I’ve noticed; more often than not, there are so many people swimming without the right gear. I mean if you were going cold water swimming, you wouldn’t go in your bikini and no cap, would you? In the same vein just because you’re single it doesn’t mean you’re ready to date.
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“You’re not yourself when you’re triggered. You become who you think you need to be to survive.” You can tell a lot about someone by the way they pack for a holiday. Some people neatly sort everything into labelled pouches. Others stuff things in haphazardly, overpacking. But then there are the secret hoarders, that carry things they don’t even realise they’ve packed & i don’t mean bikinis, i’m talking about emotional baggage.
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Few things are lonelier than not being seen. That sinking feeling when you’re standing in a room full of people, yet you might as well be invisible. It’s a silent scream, a desire for attention, and recognition from the ones we love.
There’s a true art to being seen without explicitly asking for it, where we dance between self-worth, love, and visibility.
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Over the last few years, I’ve been on a different kind of journey, one that turned out to be one of the most extraordinary journeys of my life. The currency used here isn’t money, instead you trade old habits, inhibitions, and patterns of behaviour, a unknown place that you don’t plan to go but the plane makes an emergency stop. A place where you have to be prepared to step out of your comfort zone and embrace a true journey of discovery.
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Someone I once loved, gave me a box full of darkness. It took me years to understand that too was a gift.” Mary Oliver. Adversity is relentless, unapologetic, and often arrives without warning. In the grand narrative of life, it will always be the enemy, challenging our resolve, testing our limits, and pushing us to the brink of despair. But within our darkest moments, there’s lies a hidden strength, a quiet, unyielding force that whispers of resilience.
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“Sometimes you’ll just be too much woman.Too smart, too beautiful, too strong, too much of something that makes a man feel like less of a man, which will make you feel like you have to be less of a woman. The biggest mistake you can make is removing jewels from your crown to make it easier for a man to carry. When this happens, I need you to understand You do not need a smaller crown, you need a man with bigger hands” Michael Reid
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In the hustle and bustle of life, we often find ourselves caught up in the narratives we’ve inherited or the stories we’ve fallen into. But only a few will stop, hit pause, grab a pen, and rewrite their life story. Fear of the unknown often paralyses us, but as Gandhi famously said we must be the change we want to see and unless we’re brave enough to travel to an unfamiliar place, we’ll never be able to reframe our minds and change the course of our lives.
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“When a woman says, ‘I have nothing to wear’ what she actually means is, there is nothing here for who I am supposed to be today.” Caitlin Moran. As I’m sitting here with my writer’s hat on (one of many that I wear throughout the day), I’m plagued by thoughts of the numerous roles the modern-day woman plays. All the while trying to be the best versions of ourselves. Me… Daughter, sister, aunt, friend, coach, writer, cook, provider and finally me.
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“Being alone does not mean you are lonely, and being lonely does not mean you are alone.” Unknown
As someone who has spent many nights alone, I know the feeling of loneliness all too well. But with time I’ve also come to understand that being alone doesn’t automatically equate to being lonely. In fact, there are times when I love nothing more than spending time with myself.
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“Almost everything will work again if you unplug it for a few minutes, including you.” Annie Lamott
Care… A simple and universally understood word, once upon a time associated with looking after others. Now widely recognised by both men and woman about something we should do for ourselves. In today’s fast-paced world, we’ve become so caught up in the chaos …
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“It’s ok to have bad days, to put yourself first, to feel less than perfect, to want to feel more like you again.” Unknown
We all have those days when we think, could this day get any worse? And I’m not talking about the kind of bad day where you’re rushing out the door, trip and spill your coffee all over your pristine, white dress. F**k me it’s not even 9 a.m. Could this day get any worse?
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In the words of the very wise Maya Angelou “When someone shows you are they are, believe them the first time’.
Men are straightforward creatures. If they want something badly enough, they’ll be sure to let you know. Women on the other hand hold on for dear life to the smallest glimmer of hope, which is inherently why we get played. We let things slide …
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“You are not a man until you give your love, truly & freely to a child. And you are not a good man until you earn the love, truly & freely, of a child in return.” Gregory David Roberts
It’s hard to understand love if you’ve never experienced it, and I’m not just talking about the love between two adults in a committed relationship, No, I’m talking about the kind of love that teaches you what real love is.
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“If you’re searching for that one person that will change your life, look in the mirror.” Unknown
Each year when the clock strikes midnight we make all these silly resolutions. And if we’re honest, we’re never going to keep. But why do we feel the need to start the new year with promises to improve? Who started this never-ending tradition of self-imposed pressure?
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Can we be honest with ourselves? In life we will encounter many failed relationships. You know the ones I mean? The ones that never quite hit the spot, yet you stayed, a little longer than you intended. Hoping that one day it would change and magically transform into everything you ever wanted, only it never did. At the time you can’t understand why it didn’t work but there’s a really simple reason.
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Show me a woman that hasn’t been cheated on, abused in some manner or taken advantage of and I’ll show you a liar.
As women we carry around a lot of baggage that some of us fail to shed when we move from one relationship to another, because we simply don’t deal with what went wrong. Much easier to bury our heads in the sand.
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There are two ways of spreading light; To be the candle or the mirror that reflects it.
Have you ever come across someone whose sheer presence brings calm? You don’t know them but there’s just something about them. You feel like it’s all going to be ok and you are so lucky to have met them, it changes your very being.
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“Men age like wine. Women age like milk.” Some unknown idiotic male
As a woman that is surrounded by women who are most definitely fine wines, not curdled milk, this expression is quite possibly the most ludicrous thing I’ve ever heard. And between you and me I’ve heard some pretty stupid things.
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We were getting along so well, yet you didn’t think twice about pulling away. When I asked you what changed? You told me that I deserved better, and you couldn’t give me what I want. What a load of crap, of course you could, but you chose not to. You were too coward to admit that you didn’t want to, so instead you left me no choice but to walk away and as I walked away so did a little part of my faith and hope.
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You never quite forget the moment you think it’s all over. The moment you wish you hadn’t fallen out with those you love; Said the things you had to someone you care about.
Anger makes you say some silly things. But at that moment you hope beyond hope that those you are about to leave behind will forget the harsh words you whispered, and will remember you with the true love you had for them.
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