Every woman needs the love of a good man.
“You are not a man until you give your love, truly and freely to a child. And you are not a good man until you earn the love, truly and freely, of a child in return.”
Gregory David Roberts
It’s hard to understand love if you’ve never experienced it, and I’m not just talking about the love between two adults in a committed relationship. No, I’m talking about the kind of love that teaches you what real love is, the love you grow up with.
I consider myself incredibly blessed to have grown up in the beautiful madhouse I loved to call home. A home in which we were encouraged to express ourselves. Where my great grandparents were the perfect loving couple and my grandmother showed us more love than we knew what to do with. A home filled with an amazing father that gave his children everything they could ever want. I was lucky, not only did I get to witness such love but I also got to experience it in abundance.
MY FIRST LOVE.
My great grandfather – an immensely proud man who was a great storyteller. Every day at 4PM us kids would charge up to his room, plonk ourselves down on the floor and listen to one of his amazing stories. We knew that once he’d finished, he’d quietly head to his cupboard, unlock it and pull out a large SMA tin. A tin that we all knew housed many a treat. He thought the only reason we would run up to hear his stories was because he bribed us with the promise of treats. We were kids, of course we wanted a treat but in truth his stories were better than any book you’ll ever read. We just loved spending time with him, there was never a dull moment when he was around.
He was a man of routine, every Wednesday he would don his three piece suit before heading out to our local deli, where he would proceed to have a chat with Mr Johnson (or John Da Son, as he was more affectionately known to us all) and pick up the same cuts of ham he purchased every week. As soon as I was old enough to drive, instead of him driving me, I drove him. Oh how I loved those drives. Weekends were always different, much more chilled. On Saturdays we sat and watched the wrestling (go Bid Daddy) and Sundays were filled with a Bollywood movie. He taught me what it was like to love unconditionally and the importance of sharing your time with those you love.
MY SECOND LOVE.
My dad, my popsicle, my rock – the world’s most wonderful father. The one man I know I’ll never stop needing. Selfless and generous to a fault. Nothing was ever too much for my dad. He always put his kids first and even now, although we’re all fully grown adults, with our own lives, we still come first. He taught me the importance of loyalty and always looking out for those you love.
Growing up he always gave us enough freedom to enjoy life, and to ensure that we never went off the rails. I remember when I turned 16, he asked me what I wanted to drink. I thought it was a trick question, but he simply said, “I don’t want you to be one of those girls that goes off the rails, because your parents stopped you from doing anything. If you want a drink, you can have as many as you want. with me.” At the time I never understood what he meant, but the penny dropped when I went to university. Here I witnessed the girls he told me about, the ones that were doing everything in excess because their parents had restricted them so much. So, thanks dad. Good looking out.
MY THIRD LOVE.
My youngest uncle, stricter than any man I’d ever known, yet growing up, I never sat on a sofa watching TV, only ever in his lap. Insanely clever and driven, he taught me all about discipline whilst making me understand that not all love is shown the same way. He was my biggest supporter and when my dad wasn’t around the man that took care of me and protected me from the outside world. It’s thanks to him that I have the drive I still do. He always pushed me to be the best version of myself. Thanks Chach.
AND THE LOVES THAT FOLLOWED. I’ve never been one of those ‘falls fast’, but I’ll always be one of those ‘gives her all’. I can count on one hand the men I have loved. Having reached the ripe old age of, well old. I can now look back and clearly see why it never worked with them and the red flags I chose to ignore.
At times, I stayed because I didn’t want to fail. Failure was a foreign concept to me, therefore I just kept trying. I knew I wasn’t happy, but I just couldn’t accept that I couldn’t make it work. Fast forward a decade or two and I now understand that we can’t appreciate success if we don’t fail. Failure isn’t always down to one person; it takes effort by two people to make something work. If we keep ignoring those voices in our head that tell us to walk away and stay with someone out of loyalty, we’ll never be happy.
At other times, when I felt life wasn’t quite going to plan, I stayed because I knew the other person truly adored me. I latched onto this adoration because it’s what I needed at that time in my life. But that wasn’t fair to the other person. They didn’t do anything wrong and in that instance the phrase ‘it’s not you, it’s me’ really couldn’t sum it up better. To any of the men that fall into that box in my life, I’m sorry.
Over the last few years, I’ve come to the realisation, love although present, isn’t always consistent. That doesn’t mean it’s diminished but our expression of it changes. I thought I’d forgotten what real love feels like or how to show someone love. I’d built so many walls around me that no one was going to break them down. More recently having met a few that unwittingly managed to take down a few bricks I realised that although love may have alluded me, what I wanted was crystal clear.
I was looking for a man that encapsulated all the beautiful qualities I had experienced growing up. A man that:
– Looked at you like you were the most beautiful woman on this planet, even on your off days.
– Just let you be you, whilst adoring your idiosyncrasies.
– Always stood by you and pushed you to be a better version of yourself.
– Captivated you, someone you couldn’t be more proud of.
– Understood the value of a good woman by his side.
– Would do anything to make you smile and never lose you.
More importantly… A man that felt like home. 🥰
