Women don’t get played. They play themselves.
“Never let a man tell you twice that he doesn’t want you.”
Judge Lynn Toller
Ladies I know this is not going to make me popular and it’s not something that you want to hear. But in 99% of situations, you are the problem. Ok Ok, sit back down, save your anger until you’ve actually heard what I have to say.
The simple truth is women refuse to see red flags. Why? Because firstly, we are intent on dating their potential not their reality. Secondly, we romanticise the hell out of every situation. We meet someone who on paper seems perfect, so we refuse to believe their reality could be so different.
However, someone can be perfect for you, but the situation is anything but perfect. Maybe your timing is off; maybe they’ve just come out of bad break up; maybe a relationship is not a priority for them; maybe their heart is with someone else or maybe just maybe they’re well versed in the art of trickery. You feel like they’re saying all the right things and making all the right noises. Unfortunately though, you think this because you’re not really paying attention.
In the words of the very wise Maya Angelou “When someone shows you are they are, believe them the first time’. Men are straightforward creatures. If they want something badly enough, they’ll be sure to let you know. Women on the other hand hold on for dear life to the smallest glimmer of hope, which is inherently why we get played.
- WE LET THINGS SLIDE
You arrange to meet; you get ready in excitement; arrive uncharacteristically early, only to receive a text to say sorry he’s running late. You let it slide, it’s a first date these things happen. He shows up, God you forgot how good looking he is. He sits down, no apology for being late, orders something to drink and settles in for the evening, phone on the table. The conversation is flowing, every few minutes you can hear a ping coming from his phone (for the love of God, put the damn thing on silent), it’s really distracting. While you are waiting for the drinks to arrive, he checks his messages. Sounds so rude when you see it written in black and white doesn’t it? Yet at the time although it annoyed you, you glazed over it. Unknowingly you’ve given him permission to mistreat you from the outset. - WE WAIT TO BE CHOSEN
As women we’re so used to putting others first, we don’t see this as a big deal, after all this is how we were raised. We get into something with someone, and we put far too much emphasis on his feelings. Does he find me attractive? Does he like my body? Does he like me? How does he feel about me? Is he looking for a commitment or just a leg over? Not once do we stop to ask ourselves the same set of questions first. Why? It’s simple, we always wait to be chosen. Every now and then he throws us a bone and that keeps our interest; the odd compliment; showering us with attention at the right time, it’s what we hold out for it. How sad are we? - WE STAY TOO LONG
Then there is the other extreme, we see the red flags, but because we’ve seen one beautiful green flag, we think the other watch outs aren’t important. So, he’s really busy at work at the moment, but once things quieten down, he’ll be back to the man that made a lot of time for me in the beginning. I hate to tell you this, he won’t. If he wants to make the time, he will. The harsh reality is he doesn’t think you are important enough to carve out a few hours of his time. Wake up and smell the coffee. - WE SEE MIXED SIGNALS, NOT MISSED SIGNALS
This unfortunately is one of the biggest reasons we get played. We pay more attention to their words than their actions.
WORDS: “I had a great time; I’d love to see you again.”
ACTION: Two weeks have passed; he’s been messaging you back and forth but doesn’t arrange another date.
REALITY: You’re in a textationship, which is unlikely to ever turn into a relationship.
WORDS: “You’re not like the other women; I really feel like we have a great connection.”
ACTION: Before we met you sent me a good morning text every day & now, I’m lucky if I hear from you once a day.
REALITY: It’s likely he’s multi-dating and another shiny toy has caught his attention.
WORDS: “I want us to be exclusive, I can’t stand the thought of you dating another.”
ACTION: He’s been over to your place numerous times, yet you still haven’t seen the inside of his house.
REALITY: You’re in a situationship not a relationship.
Need I go on? - WE WON’T REVERT FROM TYPE
We all have a type whether that be a physical or personality type. Things that we find attractive, but we never step back to analyse whether that type is actually working for us. I for one have always found self confidence in a man incredibly attractive, but it’s a personality type that has never served me well. Why? Because blinded by their confidence I’ve failed to see the obvious flags. Fast forward a few years and I’ve come to realise that self-awareness is far more attractive and now when I meet that overly confident man, the one that shows me how accomplished he is, I power walk in the opposite direction. His confidence is merely a mask. There’s a reason it never worked with your usual type, learn from your past failures, and start recognising the red flags that keep repeating themselves. You’ll save yourself a lot of time and heartache. - WE ALWAYS THINK WE’RE TO BLAME
One of our fundamental flaws, we automatically think when something goes wrong, we’re to blame. Not because we genuinely believe this, but because it’s a natural instinct. If he pulls away, we automatically think it’s because of something we’ve done. It isn’t. Ladies we need to stop this destructive way of thinking. He’s pulled away because either he’s just not interested any more or he’s found someone else to bestow his attention on. Don’t excuse his behaviour, do yourself a favour and let him walk away. Once he runs out of options or realises the grass isn’t greener on the other side, he’ll be back with his tail wagging between his legs and at that point you need to let him know in no uncertain terms ‘It’s a no from me. Bye bye’ Do not let him weasel his way back in.
So next time he’s giving you mixed signals, pay attention to what he’s not saying. His non-verbal communication should be your biggest clue to what’s really going on. Everyone can tell you what they know you want to hear, but only those whose intentions are true will show you. For instance, if someone has to postpone a date because something comes up, but they immediately apologise and rearrange, that’s a positive sign, if however, they cancel with no follow up, they’re firmly setting out their intentions. Don’t waste your time dating someone who doesn’t match your effort or your energy and remember honey never goes looking for a bee, they wait for the bee to come to them. 🐝❤️
