Dear Mr Nice guy, You don’t have to finish last.
“By trying to please everybody, nice guys often end up pleasing nobody – including themselves.”
Robert A Glover
When I was younger, I was always attracted to the archetypal Bad Boy, there was just something about him that I couldn’t resist. That fantastic swagger; the way he dressed; the cockiness, it was all too much, I just couldn’t say no.
I’d like to say that I’ve changed, and I’m no longer attracted to the Bad Boy, but that’s not 100% true. I still like a well-dressed, confident man with swagger, but the difference is I’ve grown up somewhat. I no longer have the desire to tame the Bad Boy and understand the importance of having a good man in your life. One that loves you unconditionally, is always considerate of your needs and wants to make you happy. A man that doesn’t get off on playing games. And you know what they say ‘Only Girls like Bad Boys. Real Women prefer Nice Guys’
So now that I’m looking for something different, I think it’s only fitting to help Mr Nice Guy find me and know that I’m open to his attention. Unlike the Bad Boy, who just storms over, full of misguided confidence, I appreciate the Nice Guy just needs a little nod in the right direction. However, before he finds me, there are some fundamental truths, I need him to understand so that he doesn’t become yet another Nice Guy who finishes last.
- BE MASCULINE. IT’S A TURN ON
Believe it or not there is a difference, albeit subtle, between a Nice Guy and a Good Guy. The Nice Guy regularly gets friend zoned, why? Because he’s afraid to tap into his masculine energy, an energy that most women find extremely attractive. The Good Guy on the other hand understands the importance of setting healthy boundaries. He leads without being controlling. He’s protective, kind, and considerate without being a doormat. He knows how to say no if he feels you are being unreasonable. By showing these masculine traits, he encourages the women to tap into her feminine energy and lower her guard. It doesn’t matter how much of a feminist, Boss B**tch or alpha female you are, show me a woman that doesn’t want a man to make her feel like a woman, and I’ll show you a liar. - STOP BEING SO SELFISH
A real contradiction I know. How can someone that is always doing things to please another be called selfish? I hear you asking. Well, let me enlighten you. Generally, a nice guy moulds himself on what he thinks women are looking for, the romance seen in movies, instead of being true to who he is. Why does he do this? Because he’s trying to gain your attention, affection, love, and loyalty. Put simply, he just wants you to like him. But if you think about it, it’s a tad manipulative. If you’re really that nice, show me your true colours and let me decide for myself. Vulnerability is really attractive in a man and likely to secure you a second date. - BE A LEADER NOT A FOLLOWER
I spend all day telling people how to do things, organising and arranging. it would be so refreshing to meet a man that let you take a back seat while he took over, something a masculine man does without even thinking. There’s nothing sexier than “Are you free Tuesday at 7? I’m taking you to dinner.” Say what? You don’t want me to book somewhere or tell you what I’d like to do? How refreshing. As attractive as a positive action is, it’s equally unattractive when all a man does is say “what do you fancy for dinner, where would you like to go?” I know you think it makes you sound considerate, but If I wanted to choose somewhere I may as well book it myself. Why don’t you try listening to what I like and take the initiative? Before my little sister married her now husband, I remember her telling me the story about a book she wanted to read, she’d mentioned it to him the day before and the next day it arrived on her doorstep. Now that’s how you do nice without coming across like a wet blanket. - EARN MY RESPECT
A bad boy is commanding, he shows you he’s in charge of his life and for all his faults he understands the importance of this, when it comes to attraction. I’ve worked damn hard to get to where I have in life, if you’re happy just plodding along, living hand to mouth, good for you, but you’re never going to earn my respect and if you can’t earn my respect, you’ll never win my love. I’m sorry, as harsh as this sounds, if you can just about take care of yourself what do you think you have to offer someone to build a future together? A lesson I learned the hard way, I always thought that if someone loved you unconditionally that would be enough, its not. An ex we’ll call him Mr Royal Mail (no he wasn’t the postie), undoubtably showed me that kind of love, but was never going to amount to anything in life. Hugely off-putting, sorry Mr Nice Guy I don’t want to be the main bread winner, I want a partnership. - SHOW YOUR CONFIDENCE
There’s no denying someone that exudes confidence attracts more attention. They walk with purpose; no words are needed. Unconfident people on the other hand shrink, they’re unnoticeable. Because they take up as little space as humanly possible. So next time you walk into a building, stand tall, shoulders back, come and claim a seat at the table. It won’t lessen how much of a Nice Guy you are. Let me explain in layman’s terms. A few weeks back I had a lovely date with a Yogi, he was good looking, well dressed, funny, and a really Nice Guy, I really couldn’t fault him. But he was like wallpaper, totally forgettable and yawn worthy. If I walked into a room, would I notice him? briefly because he was good looking, but after that second I’d have moved on to someone who was giving off a positive energy, sorry Mr Nice guy but to the friend zone you go.
I’m going to leave you with this. You don’t have to give up being nice to get the girl, you just need to stop believing everyone is more important than you. Be self-aware and know what you bring to the table. I guarantee that she’ll notice. And if she notices you, she’ll make eye contact and give you a little smile. These are positive signs that she’s open to being approached. Don’t wait for her to approach you or you’ll be back at square one… A Nice Guy that finishes last.
A great piece of contextual insight