Your eyes are useless if your mind is blind.
“Everybody is a genius. But if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it will live its whole life believing it is stupid.”
Albert Einstein
Aaaah love, that illusive thing most of us are searching for, even when we tell ourselves we’re not. That inexplicable thing that makes us do some really crazy sh*t and keeps us coming back for more. Generally, the first thing we see is their physical beauty, their smile, their eyes, maybe their physique, we’re blinded by lust. It’s not until our hearts and minds kick in, do we see the person for who they really are. But what good are eyes if our hearts and minds are blind?
Every single person I know has a checklist of the things they want in a partner. Some will tell you all they want it is to be loved and as long as they have that they don’t need anything else. Maybe I’m broken, I tried that, it wasn’t enough. So, now I’m a lot more honest with myself. My list is long, I have a basic checklist and one that is locked away in the deepest, darkest depths of my heart. The basic one will get you hired, if you’re special enough to check anything off the locked list, you’ll also earn a promotion 🙈.
The ironic thing about my list, it’s ever changing. With every relationship I realise that things I thought were important actually don’t matter as much as other things I wanted, and things that I didn’t think mattered have become more important with age. There was a time in my life where intelligence was very close to the top of my list, I wanted s sapiosexual, a man that could outsmart me and I could look up to. Having met a fair few of them, I’ve come to realise something about them, whereas they are exceedingly bright most of them are really rather stupid when it comes to matters of the heart. Unfortunately there’s a real disconnect between the two things.
Where does that leave me? Knowing that although I’m not looking for Einstein, I also can’t date Mr Thick As Two Short Planks. But more importantly love conquers IQ, when it comes to relationships, and I need someone who has more than a high IQ. I need a partner who understands that EQ or emotional intelligence plays a huge role in the success of our relationships. and I’ve finally reached that stage in my life where I value emotional intelligence over and above brainpower.
- EQ THE UNSUNG HERO
Let’s face it, being clever doesn’t automatically qualify you as great partner, that’s what emotional intelligence does. The ability to understand and manage your own emotions whilst responding to the emotions of those around you is a true gift. Look at it this way, if you’re in a relationship with someone who has a high IQ but lacks emotional intelligence, they’re always going to struggle to connect with you on a deeper level. Sure, they may blow your mind with their pillow talk, but will they recognise when you need to feel a strong pair of arms around you? Will they understand why you’re having one of those days? Highly unlikely. A partner with a high EQ has empathy and are in turn effective communicators, two invaluable qualities. So maybe when you’re next searching don’t just focus on finding an emotionally disabled clever b**tard. - KNOW THYSELF
In any relationship being emotionally intelligent is incredible, but EQ is about much more than successfully navigating relationships, it’s also about looking within and understanding ourselves on a much deeper level. It’s this very thing that takes us through life’s journey with grit and grace, allowing us to make better decisions, set healthy boundaries, and pursue our desires with confidence. Tapping into our own emotions and motivations, allows us to live a more fulfilling life that aligns with our values and desires. Without emotional intelligence, we could never do this. Possessing a high EQ not only makes us more self-aware, it gives us the ability to recognise our own emotions and understand why we’re feeling/acting a certain way. This self-awareness is crucial when it comes to cultivating successful relationships because it allows us to communicate our needs and feelings effectively to our partner. - THE TUG OF WAR BETWEEN IQ AND EQ
It’s not uncommon for one partner to be more logical and analytical, whilst the other is more in tune with their emotions than those of their partner. EQ creates a safe and supportive environment whilst IQ creates a practical environment, both have their own value and place. The high EQ partner understands opposites attract but they also need the person they’re with to know themselves and be able to communicate effectively, it’s a basic requirement. While the one with a higher IQ won’t understand why this is an issue because they focus more on the importance of having complementary traits. - EQ A NEW PERSPECTIVE
No relationship is perfect nor is it static. When conflicts arise, if you’ve tapped into your EQ, you’re more able to approach them in a more productive way. Instead of getting defensive or shutting down, you’re able to listen to your partner’s perspective and respond with understanding. I’m not saying you’ll always agree with what they’re saying, but you can at least see it from their side, which creates more room for vulnerability. The same goes for how we approach ourselves. By recognising the impact of our own emotions, we respond to them in a healthier way and are less likely to take our bad day out on our partner, which if we’re honest with ourselves we all do far more than we should.
So, whether you are in a long-term relationship or dating with the view of getting into one, the next time you find yourself in a relationship tug of war, take a step back and remember that both IQ and emotional intelligence hold value. By finding a balance between the two, you can cultivate a relationship that is strong, supportive, and fulfilling for the both of you.
If you’re lucky enough to find someone that has both, hold onto them for dear life, that really is the holy grail. On one of my more recent online dating endeavours, I encountered a man that wrote ‘I want someone who has done their shadow work’ Be still my beating heart, does such a man exist? And if he does, where’s my lasso? 🤣
