Menopause – the uninvited guest.
“When I asked for a smoking hot body, menopause wasn’t quite what I had in mind.” Unknown
I always thought menopause was something that happened to other women, women who were ready for it, women who were expecting it. But like an uninvited guest, it arrived early, throwing my life into disarray.
Menopause… I think they need to update this word in the English dictionary to Woman-o-pause. Because that’s exactly what it does, forces you, as a woman to pause in a way nothing else does. It arrives without warning, like a tornado that just rips through your life. One minute you’re sat there drinking your coffee, minding your own business, deciding which pair of leggings you’re in the mood to pull on. And then, out of nowhere, it happens. A hot flash.
THE WHISPER OF CHANGE:
It starts as a slow burn in the pit of your stomach and then, in the blink of an eye, it spreads through your entire body into a furnace. You can fan yourself as furiously as you like, but the heat is relentless, searing, unapologetic. You think I can’t be menopausal, I’m far too young, this can’t be happening to me, menopause is something I’m going to deal with much, much later. But no, here it is, barging into my life unannounced, with all the subtlety of a high-speed train.
THE STORM BEGINS:
One moment, you’re living your best life, balancing work, love, and everything in between. Next thing you know, you’re caught in the eye of a hormonal hurricane. One minute I was ready to take on the day, the next my energy levels dropped so low I couldn’t function, I reminded myself of cartoon image you see of matchsticks holding your eyes open. Even after 8 hours of blissful beauty sleep free pouring caffeine, I still craved more sleep. Did someone say afternoon nap? Yes please. Give me more sleep.
THE TORNADO OF CHANGE:
Menopause doesn’t just tiptoe into your life; it tornadoes through, sweeping away the familiar and leaving chaos in its wake. Do you remember when Dorothy’s house is lifted from the ground and spun through the air, in The Wizard of Oz, it’s just like that. One moment, everything is in its place, the next, you’re in a strange new world, trying to find your footing. My emotions were a rollercoaster, wild and unpredictable. One moment, I was laughing uncontrollably at a silly meme, the next, I was sobbing over a dog food commercial. And don’t even get me started on my moods. God help whoever was on the receiving end of this Scottish girl’s wrath, Rationality took a backseat as my hormones took the wheel, driving me to the brink of madness. That’s when I heard the words ‘Lawson, you need anger management’.
THE PHYSICAL TOLL:
As if the mood swings weren’t enough, there’s the physical changes. My once smooth and radiant skin now felt dry and alien. My hair, my beautiful, luscious hair, started to thin and lose its shine. My joints ached, my energy levels plummeted, and no amount of caffeine could revive me from the perpetual state of exhaustion I found myself in. Then there’s the weight gain, it crept in silently, like an unwanted guest at a dinner party. No matter how much I exercised or watched my diet, the pounds seemed to stick, a stubborn reminder that my body was no longer under my control. There were days I’d eat everything in sight, the guilt would hit me right where it hurts… on my stomach and thighs🙈. As punishment I’d then skip a meal or three, but all this would do was leave me hangry, and once again I’m the angry Scottish girl. It was a vicious circle and no matter how hard I tried; I just couldn’t break it.
THE EMOTIONAL UNCERTAINTY:
Weight gain, mood swings, hot flashes, that’s not enough for the menopause, no it also wanted to play havoc with my mind. I found myself questioning everything, my relationships, my career, my sense of self. The confidence I had spent years building crumbled under the weight of self-doubt and insecurity. Sleepless nights became the norm, with my mind racing, refusing to shut down. I would lie in bed, staring at the ceiling, replaying every mistake I had ever made, every missed opportunity, every regret. It was as if menopause had opened a Pandora’s box of insecurities and fears, and I was powerless to close it.
THE NUN GETTING NONE:
Then there was the sex and my sexual pleasure, a topic most of us shy away from, but not me, I’ll happily share small talk about my shag-a-thons with anyone that will listen. So, feel free to ask me anything on this topic but only if you want to hear the truth. Since perimenopause hit me the sexual deviant in me has retired and in her place returned a Ninja Nun, whose only thought was ‘touch me and I’ll kill you’ honestly, I should have come with a health warning, my poor partner didn’t know what had hit him, oh yes that would be me 😇. My words were a constant reminder that he’d lost me ‘why would I waste my time and energy on sex when I could be sleeping or eating cake? How did Ms Ever Ready Lawson turn into nun Lawson?
THE MEDICAL IGNORANCE:
I braved going to see my GP with a list of symptoms the length of my arm, ‘no way’ said the doctor ‘you’re too young to be going through the menopause’. Ordinarily I would have taken his word as gospel, after all he’s a medical professional and he knows best, but my women’s intuitions kicked in, thank you perimenopause for at least leaving me with that. Uh oh, here comes the anger ‘How dare this jumped-up man tell me that I’m imagining things’ and then just like that on cue, the hot flush came, ‘put that in your pipe and smoke Dr know-it-all’. He couldn’t get me out of his office fast enough, HRT patches prescribed, and a smug grin on my face I left thinking ‘this is it, from tomorrow I’ll feel normal again, yay 🙌🏼’ How wrong was I? HRT wasn’t for me. I tried it, I hated it, I binned it.
THE QUEST FOR KNOWLEDGE & UNDERSTANDING:
In the midst of this turmoil, I cried, a lot and embarked on a journey to learn more about what was happening to me. I read so much information I thought my head was going to explode, but I knew had to do something. My circle of friends was slowly getting smaller because I just didn’t want to socialise, I comfort ate, again and I lost myself in the depths of menopause. I sought solace in the stories of other women, those who had walked this path before me, who had come out the other side stronger and wiser. Then a friend offered me these words ’Lawson, you’re about to turn 50 next year, it’s about time you got your shit together’. I’ve never had anyone speak to me like that before, people usually mollycoddle me ‘there, there, everything will be ok’ but not Suki, no way. This was the wakeup call I needed.
THE POWER OF SISTERHOOD:
In my darkest moments, I found light in the stories and support of other women. I joined online forums and support groups, connecting with women from all walks of life, thank you @themenopausecoach, all experiencing the same upheaval. We shared our fears, our frustrations, our triumphs, and our failures. We laughed, we cried, we raged against the unfairness of it all.There is a unique power in sisterhood, in knowing that you are not alone. Menopause, for all its chaos and upheaval, brought me closer to women, forging bonds of empathy and understanding. Together, we navigated the storm, finding strength in our shared experiences.
THE SILVER LINING:
Menopause, despite its challenges, also brought unexpected gifts. It forced me to slow down, to reevaluate my life, my priorities, my relationships. It made me more mindful, more present, more attuned to my own needs and desires & it helped me form one of the strongest, most unlikely of friendships. Together, in that friendship, we created something extraordinary out of this sh*tstorm known as menopause – Transform8. And I’m not embarrassed to say, It’s helped me slowly take back control of my body, I’m kinder to myself now and I allow my body to slow down when it’s needed. Like an old iPhone 12, I’m absolutely brilliant when fully charged, but a complete pain in the arse when my battery is running low. So, to keep my battery charged I fuel myself with clean healthy nutritious meals that’ll have my tastebuds tingling, I do three short workouts a week and as if by magic I’m upgraded to the latest version of the iPhone. My energy levels are back in full force… yes, the Lawson is back!
THE JOURNEY CONTINUES:
I know menopause is not a destination; it’s a journey, a winding path filled with twists and turns, highs and lows. It’s a journey that I am still on, and one that I will continue to navigate with courage and grace.I don’t have all the answers, and that’s okay. What I do have is a newfound strength, a deeper understanding of myself, and a community of amazing women who support and uplift each other. Creating Transform8 is the one of the most rewarding things I’ve ever done, it’s helped me regain my strength & through that power it’s allowed me to help others.
So, to all the women out there, standing at the brink of this storm, know that you are not alone. Menopause may come out of nowhere, it may tornado through your life, but you have the power to weather the storm, to find your footing, and to emerge stronger on the other side. Appreciate the beauty of aging and use it as an opportunity for growth and transformation.
Here’s to embracing the chaos, to finding beauty in the storm, and to celebrating the incredible journey that is menopause. Now… remind me again, who I need to contact to get the dictionary definition changed to woman-o-pause? 🤔
Tracy Lawson is the cofounder of Transform8, an 8-week closed circuit, all female, lifestyle programme created by women for women. Helping women create sustainable habits through eating food that is nutritious yet tasty, with short, guided workouts & dedicated female coaches to guide you through your journey. To learn more visit transform8.me
