Why your success is sexy, until it isn’t…for him.
“When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time.” Maya Angelou
It starts, as these things often do, with an avalanche of adoration. The flowers, the texts, the grand declarations of how you are unlike anyone he’s ever met. In the space of a fortnight, he’s planned your entire future, gushed about your brilliance, and made you feel like Cleopatra, Michelle Obama and Sophia Loren all rolled into one.
For a brief moment, it’s intoxicating. And then, like a badly written romcom, it all begins to unravel. The adoration sours into control, the compliments dripp with condescension, and the man who once called you ‘his queen’ was now talking to you like you are an imposter. Welcome to the world of love bombing, where the currency is excessive affection, and the bill always comes due. And, more often than not, it’s successful women who are footing it.
THE SUCCESS MAGNET
You’d think that having your life together, financially, emotionally, socially would act as a deterrent for toxic men. Surely, they’d be too intimidated by your success to even attempt any nonsense. But no, love bombers don’t see success as a red flag. They see it as a golden opportunity. Successful women have worked for their achievements. Whether it’s a thriving career, a well-curated social life, or the kind of confidence that comes from knowing your worth, we are the ultimate prize. And love bombers? They love a prize… Not because they want to cherish it, because they want to own it.
POWER PLAY DISGUISED AS PASSION
At first, their intensity seems like passion. “I just can’t get enough of you,” they say, as they message you 17 times before noon. “You’re so incredible,” they insist, listing off your accomplishments like a walking LinkedIn endorsement. But here’s the thing – it’s not about you, it’s about them.Love bombers don’t fall for you, they fall for the idea of you. Your success, your independence, your radiance, it all makes them feel bigger by association. And once they’ve basked in your glow, they begin to chip away at the very qualities they once idolised.
FROM ADORATION TO UNDERMINING
Once the high of idealisation fades, the love bomber starts to feel insecure. Your success, once an aphrodisiac, now feels like a threat. They’ll start with subtle jabs, questioning your work ethic, making comments about how you’re ‘too busy’ or ‘too much’. Maybe they’ll joke about how you don’t really need them, planting tiny seeds of doubt.
It’s a slow erosion of confidence, a game of psychological Jenga where they keep removing the building blocks of your self-worth until you’re teetering, uncertain, looking to them for validation. And that’s precisely where they want you. They may start suggesting that you ‘slow down’ that ‘work isn’t everything’ or that you should be more present for them. What starts as concern quickly morphs into control. They might begin isolating you from your support system, making it harder for you to reach out to those who might point out the red flags. They want your world to shrink until they’re the centre of it. And if you don’t shrink yourself to accommodate their ego? Expect tantrums, passive-aggression, or even full-on ghosting. Because to a love bomber, admiration quickly turns to resentment when they realise, they can’t possess or control you.
WHY THEY KEEP COMING BACK, THERE’S A PATTERN
Love bombers have a type, and successful women are their dream demographic. Why? Because we’re used to working hard for things. We know effort pays off, and we’ve built our lives on resilience. So, when the love bomber starts to withdraw, we try harder. We make excuses, we overcompensate, we believe that if we can just ‘fix’ things, it will go back to how it was in the beginning.And that is exactly what they bank on.They rely on the fact that successful women are problem solvers. We’ve spent years navigating challenges, breaking barriers, proving people wrong. So, when the relationship starts to falter, our first instinct isn’t to walk away, it’s to fix it.
But here’s the truth – love isn’t a problem to solve, and you should never have to work overtime just to keep someone from treating you badly. The worst part? When you finally see through them and break away, they often come crawling back. Love bombers thrive on power, and nothing stings more than realising they’ve lost their grip on someone they once held so tightly. Expect dramatic apologies, extravagant gestures, and teary-eyed proclamations of change. But remember this – real change takes time and effort, not a last-ditch love letter at 2 AM.
THE ESCAPE PLAN: HOW TO SPOT AND STOP A LOVE BOMBER
The key to avoiding love bombers isn’t about dimming your light, it’s about recognising the difference between genuine love and manipulation dressed as devotion.
- PACE YOURSELF: If it’s moving at lightning speed, take a step back. Real love builds over time; it doesn’t explode overnight.
- WATCH FOR STRINGS ATTACHED: Love bombers make you feel like a goddess, but there’s always a price. If the adoration starts turning into control, question it.
- TRUST YOUR GUT: If something feels off even if it looks perfect on paper, listen to that instinct.
- KEEP YOUR INDEPENDENCE: Don’t let someone fast-track their way into your life at the expense of your routine, friendships, and sanity.
- KNOW WHEN TO WALK AWAY: If someone’s affection is conditional on you being ‘less’ than you are, it’s not love, it’s possession.
- OBSERVE THEIR REACTION TO YOUR SUCCESS: Do they celebrate your wins, or do they find ways to downplay them? A secure partner will be your biggest cheerleader, not your biggest competitor.
- MAINTAIN A STRONG SUPPORT SYSTEM: Love bombers try to isolate you. Keep your friends and family close, and don’t be afraid to talk about your concerns. The people who truly love you will see what you might not yet be able to.
THE POWER OF BEING UNAPOLOGETICALLY YOU
The truth is, successful women don’t need rescuing, and we don’t need grand gestures to validate our worth. What we need is a love that is steady, kind, and devoid of hidden agendas. And once you recognise the pattern, love bombers lose their power. Because the most intoxicating kind of love isn’t the one that starts with fireworks, it’s the one that stays burning long after the spectacle fades. And that’s the kind of love that everyone deserves. 💋
