Behold the Queen of Overthinking.
“No amount of anxiety can change the future. No amount of regret can change the past.”
Karen Salmansohn
Yet another night passes, while I just lay here, willing sleep to come. I’m so tired yet my mind is performing its usual acrobatics. I just want to scream at those tiny voices in my head ‘for the love of god, enough already, will you just be quiet’ but as usual they continue on their own merry little journey, without giving me a second’s thought.
I pride myself on being an accomplished woman. There are so many things I do particularly well in my life, overthinking however is one of my specialities. No matter how hard I try and block out those tiny voices in my head, they just won’t stop talking. And here’s the thing, they don’t care about the topic, they just want to hound me about anything and everything that comes into their tiny little minds.
Like right now, while I’m writing this article, I’ve just received a message from someone that has instantly put my back up, they’ve got under my skin. The logical me knows she shouldn’t reply, the irrational me wants to put this person right and close the conversation, but I know it won’t end there, so why am I even entertaining these thoughts?
I already know that sleep isn’t going to come easy tonight because now when my head hits the pillow, all the things in the message are going to haunt me. Even though I know there is no truth to what was written, and the other person is just angry, I just can’t help asking myself, ‘Are they right?’ ‘Was I unfair?’ ‘Did I really do that?’. But the conversation won’t end there, oh no, it’ll move from that message to a gazillion other things. It’s like one continuous movie playing in my head with never ending scene changes. Oh, how I wish they’d bring silent movies back.
Unfortunately, that’s the life of an overthinker, we’re masters at creating problems that never really existed in the first place. Why? Because as much as we hate it, we just can’t stop ourelves. Our minds are just too active, and we stress about the consequence of everything, including the things that have not yet happened.
When someone tells you that you’re an overthinker, you laugh. No, I’m not, I can let things go (it’s true when it’s daylight I can). I just like to be prepared, so think about every eventuality and my reaction to it should it happen. However, if like me, you’re an overthinker and can’t accept it. Ask yourself whether you recognise yourself:
You struggle to sleep at night because your brain just won’t shut off.
If you’re anything like me, your brain won’t care what it’s thinking about, it just struggles to be still and silent, hence sleep always alludes you. I’ve tried many things to overcome this, there were only two that helped – Bikram Yoga (it’s so hot in there you can’t do anything but be present in the moment) and listening to meditation tracks at bedtime (sometimes even they aren’t enough).
You spend an obscene amount of time reading between the lines.
They say, ‘I’m happy to do that’. You ask yourself ‘Are they really happy to do that or are they just saying it to keep you quiet or worse to avoid an argument?’ The harsh reality is an overthinker can never take what someone says or a situation at face value, they’re always searching for hidden meanings, even when there isn’t one.
You relieve your mistakes… constantly.
Yes, we all make them, some more than others. But you really don’t need to torture yourself repeatedly over them, learn to practice self-forgiveness. You don’t have to rehash every single mistake, even the silly little ones. So, you put your keys in the fridge and wasted a whole day looking for them. Yes, I know they didn’t need chilling, but it happens. Ok fine it only ever happens to me, happy?
You replay conversations and think about all the things you wish you had/hadn’t said.
Unless you’re a narcist, everyone has had this feeling at some point in their lives; where you replay a conversation and wish you could press the rewind button and act differently/say things you hadn’t. Maybe you were too reactive? Maybe anger took over? Or maybe you showed them you cared too much? Either way you can’t go back. What’s done is done. Let it go.
You spend an inordinate amount of time stressing over things that you have no control over.
Now I don’t mind telling you that I do this a fair bit, it’s my very own personal hell. Here’s the reality – I’m driving somewhere without a care in the world and then the most awful thought pops into my head; that of losing my dad. My mind takes me to the funeral; I can’t get my words out; I’m distraught about losing the only man I’ve ever truly loved unconditionally; Tears are streaming down my face – I just don’t know how I’m going to navigate life without him. But here’s the thing, although death is inevitable, my dad is fighting fit so these thoughts are totally irrational, yet I can’t stop them from plaguing me.
Sending someone a simple message isn’t so simple.
‘Fancy a drink?’ No scrap that too casual ‘Was good talking to you the other day. Would love to see you. Dinner and drinks next week x?’ Nope, now I sound desperate. ‘Hey X, let’s catch up for that drink we talked about’. Perfect, or is it? Maybe I should add a kiss at the end, no, a smiley face, or a wink? Oh, bloody hell, get a grip Suki, now you are starting to irritate me, just send the god damn message.
You are always thinking ‘what if, or if only’.
I admit it, I torture myself constantly with this one, and I know I am not alone. I sometimes wish I could just let things go, instead I lie there asking myself, ‘but what if you’d just done this? Or what if you hadn’t done that?’ I know I need to stop. I know I can’t change the past, but I can change what I do in the future and not repeat my mistakes, yet here I am thinking ‘what if’.
Somehow, I need to stop all this overthinking, it’s soooooo exhausting, you just go round and round in circles, every single minute of the day, never really moving forward. I’m not sure overthinkers can ever break the habits they’ve taken a lifetime to form but there are certainly things they can do to help themselves to lessen the amount of time they spend overthinking.
For me changing the narrative has helped somewhat, now instead of constantly thinking the worse, or beating myself up over a situation I can’t control, I tell myself I won’t let it bother me.
Every time my thoughts try and run away with themselves, I try and stop them in their tracks and practice being in the moment. I remind myself of all the things in my life I have to be thankful for; Like my health; The love and support of my friends and family and my absolutely gorgeous niece and nephews who bring me more joy than life itself.
Tonight, when sleep tries to allude me that’s what I’ll be thinking about. Yes, you pesky little thoughts, I will show you that I am stronger than you, and whereas I may not win every time, I will certainly tip the balance in my favour. Goodnight all zzZZZ.
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